Thursday, January 19, 2012

In Response to "Don't Carpe Diem"

I hate conflict. Hate it. I don't like it all. I feel uncomfortable contradicting someone. Especially when everyone is so excited about what that person is saying.

Which is why I really hate posting this blog, but I feel as if I need to do so. But just a side note, this seriously puts my stomach in knots and makes my hands shake, but here goes.

There has been a blog post circulating called "Don't Carpe Diem". The first time I read it, I got the warm fuzzies that are intended for the reader. But I also got some ringing bells, a few sirens, and a whole bunch of red flags.

As Christian women we have got to be careful about what we accept as good advice. Let's just break down the Don't Carpe Diem post.

The blogger writes about older women ("little old ladies") telling her to "carpe diem":

"I know that this message is right and good. But, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn't work for me."

First off, if you KNOW that something is right and good, as Christians, shouldn't it work for you? To say that you know what to do that is right and good but that you "can't" is to say God can't work in you.

"Being confident of this, He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it." Philippians 1:5

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come! The old has gone, the new is here! 2 Corinthians 5:17

Second, the blogger says, ”I felt guilty because I wasn't in parental ecstasy every hour of every day and I wasn't MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing."

But the Bible says,

"Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil." Ephesians 5:16

The blogger goes on to say that she is not able to enjoy every moment and that she simply cannot carpe diem.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4-7

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance."
James 1:2-3

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12 Or as the NIV Reader's Version says, "Teach us to realize how short our lives are."

Yes, I know the main point of the blog is that we can't always be shiny, happy people when our kids are screaming and pooping and throwing things. And I know that it gets overwhelming and frustrating when we get told "what to do" by the women who have boldly gone before us.

Which, by the way,

"Then they (older women) can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." Titus 2:4-5

Want to rock that Titus Woman's world that feels compelled to give you advice in Target and tells you to enjoy it because it goes by so fast? Ask her how she did it. Tell her you're having a hard time and would love to know specifically what she did to enjoy every single moment. Not in a sarcastic condescending way, but with true curiosity and a desire to learn from your elder. That is absolutely God's design.

I understand the sentiment of what the blogger is getting at. But friends, sisters in Christ, we must be on our guard when messages look like they're great advice. She's saying that this message of "seizing the day" and "making the most of every opportunity" is really hard and doesn't work for her. Okay. But shouldn't we try? Just because it's hard and a fact that every mother (and father) suffers through and endures, shouldn't we give it a go since that's what the Bible tells us to do? Is it ever okay to say, "Well, that's just the way that I am, so that's the way I'm going to be"?

"Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose."
Philippians 2:12-13

We're actually called to be perfect.

"Be perfect, as I am perfect." Matthew 5:48

James 1:1-4 lays out how we achieve perfection, or completeness.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

God's not saying be Martha Stewart perfect. Or even those "mamas in the parenting magazines" perfect. In all honesty, I don't think anyone is. But we should be ever moving forward, becoming Christ-like. God has given us everything we need to be able to achieve perfection.

"His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness." 2 Peter 1:3

He says to "be perfect, like I am perfect." Not like the mom who has 5 kids, volunteers in all of their classes, sews all of her kids clothes, while cooking her way through Julia Childs cookbook.

Perfect like Christ.

"Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus." Philippians 2:1-5

I'm not even saying that her sentiment is bad. It's really, really hard (really hard) to be a parent and to filter the 942 bits of advice from everybody and their mother and not feel overwhelmed.

The problem with the blogger's post is that she has some truth mixed in with contradictions to scripture. And I believe that at the first sign of contradiction to God's Word, we should turn and run the other way. Otherwise, what a great way for Satan to get his foot in the door.

Let's say, for instance, that Truth is a sterile operating room in a hospital. If even one person enters in the operating room that hasn't scrubbed their hands and arms and hasn't put their mask on, then the whole room is tainted and the surgeons and nurses have to start all over again. It's useless.

Read 2 Timothy 3:1-7 about "having a form of godliness but denying it's power." Paul's got some stuff to say about the nature of women. Yipes. I didn't write it. Paul did. So take it up with him. (My husband made me put that scripture in so you can take it up with him too.)

As a mom of two young teenagers, I've made tons of mistakes. I'm sure my kids could write a book one day of all the things that Randy and I have done wrong. But I do know that God has entrusted me with their souls and that terrifies me. Therefore, a plan that Randy and I have is that when our kids are acting outside of God's will- when they are being defiant, or painting my car with craft paint, or smearing their poop all over the wall, or asking very loudly why that woman is so fat, or running out into the street, or lying from their face to my face…it's an opportunity to teach them. It does not make me happy, but I can find the joy because I know for a fact that He is making them. And He is making me. And we will always…always…measure up advice against God's word. Even from those blessed "little old ladies".

So I will carpe diem. Every day. And I believe that if I'm not, I really should be.


AshliYoung said...

Do you think she addresses this in the Kairos section?

cca0831 said...

As Christians, we are called to make EVERY effort to live at peace with each other. Not to get into petty disputes that lead to bitterness and discord. Satan would love to put Christians against each other so everyone can scoff at the gospel while we fight about things that aren't core to the gospel of salvation. I think if you had a problem with what the blogger was saying, you should have written her a private email, as it says in the Bible to try to settle disputes first with the offender. Instead you gossiped about her and have created discord between women who will agree with you and those who will agree with her.

This woman was sharing her point of view, she has her own life with her own struggles. And she wasn't saying she wasn't joyful, just that it's hard to enjoy all things mommy all the time. Christ doesn't say to "enjoy" every moment, but to be joyful. I find joy in Christ even in the midst of situations that I am not happy to be in. Motherhood is a steep rocky climb that is worth every moment, even the hard ones. And there ARE hard ones. I think that was her point.

And lastly, I do think you have a right to your opinion and I am not discounting yours at all. I just think there is a better, more peaceable way to say it without causing discord or hurt feelings. Perhaps a blog saying: "hey, I read this blog about seizing the day. I found some great verses that encourage us to do so and wanted to share them, since they encourage me to try to do better each day."
We are women, we are mothers. We need to band together, encouraging each other and pointing each other to truth in gentleness and love.

Dayna Sabrina said...

You entirely missed the point of Don't Carpe Diem. The method of life you propose is not only unrealistic,its tantamount to fantasy. Even for the most devout. The fact that you posted such a scathing hand slapping on the internet is truly telling about you. You don't like conflict, hate it so much? Then don't create it. Send Glennon a personal note explaining to her all of the many different ways you disagree.

Donna Mossholder said...

You guys are cracking me up. You are telling her how horrible she is for posting a critical response and that she should of emailed Glennon a personal message......UM isnt that what YOU should have done as well. You all are being very contradictory and giving advice that you yourselves are not even taking.......I find that interesting and actually, for me, I am an atheist and dont subscribe to biblical teachings so I dont mind when people actually post public disagreements. I think its ok actually and healthy. At least for me. But if I were you guys why dont you take your own advice and personally email her if you think it was wrong of her to post her disagreement to that essay on her own personal blog....hmmmm I think there is some irony in that as well but I wont go into it

cca0831 said...

Donna, looking back on how I responded, it did seem a little hypocritical! Oops! I just dislike it when people are so quick to give their opinions, say how the other person is wrong and are not willing to listen first and give others a break... Try to understand each other, encourage each other and love each other a little more and argue a little less. But then if you read what I wrote, that's exactly what I didn't do either! Lesson learned, and I am really sorry about that!

Anna said...

Thank you so much for posting this. When I read Don't Carpe Diem, I was interested at first, then felt uneasy. I think you are right that she mixes the encouragement of validating the fact that parenting is HARD with some unwise thoughts.

Just about any parent will find "kairos" moments that Glennon wrote of - all that takes is that one not be a mentally unstable parent who honestly hates their own children. But as Christians, we have a higher calling than that.

To those who say you are just stirring up discord, I think that point would stand if it were about something more private. But Don't Carpe Diem has had a LOT of public attention, worth the public response that this and other bloggers have given. (Google "response to don't carpe diem" for others.)

Donna Mossholder said...

Just got this post and that is extremely very nice of you to admit all of that. I surely appreciate it and I am sure the poster does as well. The one thing though that you stated :
I just dislike it when people are so quick to give their opinions, say how the other person is wrong and are not willing to listen first and give others a break... Try to understand each other, encourage each other and love each other a little more and argue a little less.

Isnt that what "The dont carpe diem" article did? She very easily condemned little old wise ladies who are not judging her but who were just saying it goes by fast thats all. It was her interpretation and guilt that misinterpreted their well-meaning and I for one respect older peoples wisdom, there definitely I think is soemthing to waht they say. They have been there and I think we should just listen to them. I feel she did exactly what you say you dislike....She was quick to give her opinion,she basically said that older people are wrong to say that time goes by fast and she was not really willing to listen to their salient advice and give older people a break......I mostly was sad about that after reading her article. I ADORE older people and the wisdom they have and we will all be there one day. Anyway, I did absolutely appreciate wht you had to say and thanx for responding. i apologize if I wasnt as polite as I could have been. take care and hope you ahve a great day