The Varnell's

In Response to "Don't Carpe Diem"

2012-01-19T08:35:00.009-06:00

I hate conflict. Hate it. I don't like it all. I feel uncomfortable contradicting someone. Especially when everyone is so excited about what that person is saying.

Which is why I really hate posting this blog, but I feel as if I need to do so. But just a side note, this seriously puts my stomach in knots and makes my hands shake, but here goes.

There has been a blog post circulating called "Don't Carpe Diem". The first time I read it, I got the warm fuzzies that are intended for the reader. But I also got some ringing bells, a few sirens, and a whole bunch of red flags.

As Christian women we have got to be careful about what we accept as good advice. Let's just break down the Don't Carpe Diem post.

The blogger writes about older women ("little old ladies") telling her to "carpe diem":

"I know that this message is right and good. But, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn't work for me."

First off, if you KNOW that something is right and good, as Christians, shouldn't it work for you? To say that you know what to do that is right and good but that you "can't" is to say God can't work in you.

"Being confident of this, He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it." Philippians 1:5

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come! The old has gone, the new is here! 2 Corinthians 5:17

Second, the blogger says, ”I felt guilty because I wasn't in parental ecstasy every hour of every day and I wasn't MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing."

But the Bible says,

"Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil." Ephesians 5:16

The blogger goes on to say that she is not able to enjoy every moment and that she simply cannot carpe diem.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4-7

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance."
James 1:2-3

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12 Or as the NIV Reader's Version says, "Teach us to realize how short our lives are."

Yes, I know the main point of the blog is that we can't always be shiny, happy people when our kids are screaming and pooping and throwing things. And I know that it gets overwhelming and frustrating when we get told "what to do" by the women who have boldly gone before us.

Which, by the way,

"Then they (older women) can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." Titus 2:4-5

Want to rock that Titus Woman's world that feels compelled to give you advice in Target and tells you to enjoy it because it goes by so fast? Ask her how she did it. Tell her you're having a hard time and would love to know specifically what she did to enjoy every single moment. Not in a sarcastic condescending way, but with true curiosity and a desire to learn from your elder. That is absolutely God's design.

I understand the sentiment of what the blogger is getting at. But friends, sisters in Christ, we must be on our guard when messages look like they're great advice. She's saying that this message of "seizing the day" and "making the most of every opportunity" is really hard and doesn't work for her. Okay. But shouldn't we try? Just because it's hard and a fact that every mother (and father) suffers through and endures, shouldn't we give it a go since that's what the Bible tells us to do? Is it ever okay to say, "Well, that's just the way that I am, so that's the way I'm going to be"?

"Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose."
Philippians 2:12-13

We're actually called to be perfect.

"Be perfect, as I am perfect." Matthew 5:48

James 1:1-4 lays out how we achieve perfection, or completeness.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

God's not saying be Martha Stewart perfect. Or even those "mamas in the parenting magazines" perfect. In all honesty, I don't think anyone is. But we should be ever moving forward, becoming Christ-like. God has given us everything we need to be able to achieve perfection.

"His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness." 2 Peter 1:3

He says to "be perfect, like I am perfect." Not like the mom who has 5 kids, volunteers in all of their classes, sews all of her kids clothes, while cooking her way through Julia Childs cookbook.

Perfect like Christ.

"Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus." Philippians 2:1-5

I'm not even saying that her sentiment is bad. It's really, really hard (really hard) to be a parent and to filter the 942 bits of advice from everybody and their mother and not feel overwhelmed.

The problem with the blogger's post is that she has some truth mixed in with contradictions to scripture. And I believe that at the first sign of contradiction to God's Word, we should turn and run the other way. Otherwise, what a great way for Satan to get his foot in the door.

Let's say, for instance, that Truth is a sterile operating room in a hospital. If even one person enters in the operating room that hasn't scrubbed their hands and arms and hasn't put their mask on, then the whole room is tainted and the surgeons and nurses have to start all over again. It's useless.

Read 2 Timothy 3:1-7 about "having a form of godliness but denying it's power." Paul's got some stuff to say about the nature of women. Yipes. I didn't write it. Paul did. So take it up with him. (My husband made me put that scripture in so you can take it up with him too.)

As a mom of two young teenagers, I've made tons of mistakes. I'm sure my kids could write a book one day of all the things that Randy and I have done wrong. But I do know that God has entrusted me with their souls and that terrifies me. Therefore, a plan that Randy and I have is that when our kids are acting outside of God's will- when they are being defiant, or painting my car with craft paint, or smearing their poop all over the wall, or asking very loudly why that woman is so fat, or running out into the street, or lying from their face to my face…it's an opportunity to teach them. It does not make me happy, but I can find the joy because I know for a fact that He is making them. And He is making me. And we will always…always…measure up advice against God's word. Even from those blessed "little old ladies".

So I will carpe diem. Every day. And I believe that if I'm not, I really should be.

Prayer and Target

2011-09-16T08:03:00.004-05:00

This morning I couldn't find a container for Spaghettio's that would fit in Rachel's lunch box. When I finally found something, the floor of my kitchen looked like a Rubbermaid factory exploded (but only with containers…no lids.) After dumping the can of Spaghettio's into the container and nuking it for a minute in the microwave, I promptly burned my hand on the molten lava tomato-y goodness that Rachel insisted she had to have for lunch that day. I snapped at my kids on our way out of the door to go to school. I know, it wasn't very Proverbs 31 or WWJD of me. They just banked it for some other time when they did something they didn't mean to do.

It was not a great start to the day.

Later that morning, as I was cleaning out my inbox on my computer, I ran across an old email that reminded me of a painful experience from a long time ago. It's amazing how just when you think you've moved on, a reminder of a difficult time just punches you in the face and suddenly I'm weighed down with that old feeling of not being good enough.

I busied myself with errands, trying to be productive and get some things done that I had been putting off. After taking one look at the line for vehicle registration to get my tags renewed and deciding we'd live on the edge for a few more days, I drove to the other side of town to a store where I had ordered something they didn't have in stock. They informed me that it wouldn't be in until tomorrow and wanted the name of the employee who gave me the wrong information. I insisted I heard her wrong and it was my fault. They rolled their eyes and said to come back tomorrow.

After striking out with two of my three errands, I found myself in my favorite happy place. Target. I only needed a sprayer for the hose in my backyard, but it still makes me glad to walk into that place. I have no idea what it is…packaging, maybe? The smell of freshly popped popcorn? The dollar section? The color red? Yes, yes, yes and yes.

So there I am, in the farthest corner of Target, still feeling kind of bummed because I haven't yet gotten a clue that the past does not define me, when I got a text message on my phone. It was from my friend, Sarah, who lives in South Carolina saying that she had prayed for me that day. For whatever reason, God had laid me on her heart and she obeyed by interceding for me.

I thought, "Well that was nice of her." It was nice to be prayed for.

But then something happened on the inside of me. Deep down in my guts. There in the lawn and garden section of Target- where a woman was speaking so loudly on her phone about Kaitlin's Girl Scout troop and what time she needed to be at the birthday party and that Addison loves Barbie so she would just pick one up and put it in a gift bag because that would be easier and save time- I just had a moment of clarity.

God had set all this up. I felt unworthy. Not unworthy…worthless. And as if on cue, my friend who is so in love and in tune with her Heavenly Father, was told to pray for me all the way in Texas and did so.

To be honest- and you're going to be shocked and I know you'd never think this- I thought, "Wouldn't it have been kind of cool if something REALLY serious was going on in my life? Like a fatal disease or a job loss or car accident?"

It would've made a much better story. But it was just a simple illustration of God at work in my life on an otherwise ordinary day. I was having a little bit of a low moment and God used my friend to say, "You're on my mind. Snap out of it."

What did I glean from this extraordinary moment?

Number one, that my self-esteem is not defined by an incident, or what a person thinks or said about me from the past. Duh. "Indeed the very hairs on your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Luke 12:7.

I know that. But it's good to be reminded sometimes, and it's even better when it's from a friend you know you can count on for some pretty great spiritual mojo.

And number B, how's MY spiritual mojo? Am I spending enough time with God to hear Him when He tells me to do something? Am I missing opportunities to pray for a friend just because God told me to?

The very simple truth is, Sarah and I were both blessed, brought closer together despite our miles apart, and God…our unfailing Father…was glorified.

It doesn't take the parting of the Red Sea to have a moment of sheer amazement at God's presence in our lives.

What's Worked for Us- Fun With Discipline

2011-09-13T08:02:00.002-05:00

When I think about discipline in the context of a grown-up, I think of an athlete, a writer, an actor or anyone who relies on their strongly developed skills to achieve their goals.

Discipline in the realm of kid-dom, we usually think of punishment. When we "discipline" our children it usually means there's a privilege lost or a time out involved. But in our house, discipline encompasses so much more. Like an athlete training for a game or a meet, we train our children for life (Proverbs 22:6).

If you've ever heard Randy and/or me talk about disciplining our children, then you can probably quote the following statement from memory because we will say it until Jesus comes: Discipline is easy for our children. It's difficult for us as parents.

That may seem odd at first because it feels like kids have such a hard time falling in line with what you're telling them to do. But the truth is, all they have to do is what I tell them. The hard part is for me to actually follow through on what I tell them to do and what will happen if they don't. They're just looking for the chink in my armor.

How many times have you heard a parent in public tell their child, "If you do that one more time you're going to get a time out. (Pause, child does it again) Caitlin, I'm serious. Do not do that again. You're going to get a time out (child does it again.)" And this goes on and on.

Ephesians 6:1 says, "Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." This verse literally means for children to blindly obey their parents. Utter submission. . .as we are to obey Christ, by the way, seeing as how we're his children and all.

A great bit of advice that I got as a young mom was that learning and discipline happens outside of a crisis or a meltdown. We'd love it if the conversation with our 3-year-old went like this:

Child: (On the floor thrashing, wailing, throwing a fit.)
Mom: Sweetie, Mommy needs you to stand up and be a big girl right now and stop acting like this.
Child: (Jumps up, stands up straight, stops crying) What was I thinking? I do apologize, Mother. I'm so sorry for my horrid behavior. I will now go to my room and contemplate my actions and how they have adversely affected your day.

That would actually be kinda creepy. I knew that when my child was having a meltdown, they were not thinking logically or being at all reasonable. They're brains were fixated on one thing- Me! Me! Me! Mine!

So here's one of our tricks that worked for us.

One of those little things that I just could not tolerate was when one of my children did not come or ran away when I called them. It was defiance all the way. So I made up a game to play that would emphasize the importance of coming when I called.

I would sit in the middle of my living room with a little container of mini M&M's and play "Reverse Hide and Seek."

Me: Rachel, we're going to play a game! Mommy is going to sit here while you go hide somewhere. When I call your name, you say "yes ma'am!" and come to me as fast as you can! If you get here fast, then I'll give you an M&M. But if you don't come, or I have to say your name more than once, you won't get an M&M. Got it? (*See the blog post about rules and expectations.) Ready?

Rachel would run off and hide, squealing with glee. She would hide and I would call her name. She would yell "yes ma'am!" and come tearing into the living room and get her prize. She would also test me on the consequences of not coming when I called. No M&M. That was for the birds, so it didn't happen very often.

After playing a few times we'd talk about the importance of obeying Mommy and Daddy. I'd have my Bible handy and we'd quote Ephesians 6:1, the 2-3 year-old version- "Rachel, obey Mommy and Daddy. This is right!"

This was just a fun way to reinforce good behavior. Rachel had a chance to be successful, and at that age it's all about those small victories. When Daddy got home, we'd relive the whole thing and he would get so excited. We'd even show a demonstration. Rachel wanted so desperately to please us. . .still does.

When it came time to test this in a "real world" situation, we would praise the obedience and give consequences for the disobedience (e.g. hellfire would rain down and the wrath of Mommy was blinding). We went over the verse, "Rachel obey Mommy and Daddy. This is right! Ephesians 6:1" (Be sure to say the name and address of the verse, to reinforce that it's from the Bible and God is saying it, not just Mommy and Daddy.)

This game came in real handy when we'd go to McDonald's to eat and play. Before we even got out of the car, we went over the rules (expectations).

Me: When we get into McDonald's we're going to get our food. We are going to sit down and eat our food and after that you can go and play. You are going to put your shoes in a cubby before you play. When Mommy calls your name, you're going to say "yes ma'am" and come to me as soon as you can. When I say it's time to go, there will be no whining or complaining. You will say "yes ma'am" and get your shoes on quickly. Otherwise, we won't come back for a while. Got it?
Kids: Got it!

And usually I would make them repeat it because inevitably somebody was watching a bird or thinking about swords during orientation.

Warning: If all goes well in McDonald's, instead of getting to read that book you brought, you may be spending your time explaining to the other moms how you got your kids to come so quick when you called their name.

I would also give them a countdown (again with the expectations, e.g."You have fifteen minutes!"). Don't debate the time. They'll start to push your buttons. If this happens, leave immediately. This will probably result in a meltdown, but do not lose your cool. You told them what to expect, now follow through on your promise.

Find those opportunities to teach discipline in a really calm environment. It can happen during playtime, mealtime, story time, any time. It creates expectations and kids find such safety and peace when they know what to expect. Then when it comes time to give consequences, and we've had plenty of those, you will have already set a precedent.

But know this- none of this works if you don't stick to what you say. If you tell them what the consequences are, do not flake out or be manipulated. My son will be an attorney when he grows up, I know it. He's the king of how-can-I-get-out-of-this. You must be firm and resolved. It's so tough and will break your heart, but you are saving their little lives.

My kids still say "yes ma'am" when I call their name and it still fills my heart with pride and joy.

And I will sometimes still give them a mini M&M.

You share:
What creative ways or games have you found to practice good behavior outside of a meltdown?

Winning the War of Spiritual Leadership

2011-09-06T10:11:00.006-05:00

Written by Randy

A Tactical Strategy
Have you ever noticed that we focus on tactics and not strategy?
No? Well, let me explain…

I spend a lot of time wargaming lately. It could be the fact that I’m a dyed-in-the-wool gamer-geek who has more board games in his closet than he will play this year. It could also have something to do with the fact that I have the pleasure of working with a retired Army Colonel, who is patiently mentoring me into manhood. Either way, I find myself inundated in thoughts of military leadership.

One of the lessons that keeps coming to mind is the difference between tactics and strategy.

Strategy is what those “guys on top” do. It’s the big planning. The major movements. “We need to capture that hill!” “We need to buy a car with better gas mileage.” Those are strategies.

Tactics are those specific things you do to accomplish the strategy. “Circle behind the enemy.” “Get to that rock!” “Read Consumer Reports yearly automotive review!”

However, it takes both strategy AND tactics to win a battle.

You can want that hill all day long, but if you don’t move to get it, it remains in enemy territory. Or, you can be the soldieriest soldier who ever soldiered a charge, but if you run right into the enemies guns, you won’t accomplish what you desire.

As Christians, we get mired in tactics.

We like “to do” items. We like grocery lists. We like the feeling of accomplishment and direction. We are an action-hero society, and our hero needs action!

We pile chore upon chore, and commitment upon commitment. We busy ourselves to our utmost limit, because if we’re busy, we’re doing good, right? We don’t want to be lazy. We don’t want to be less of a husband/wife/parent/son/daughter than that guy over there, right?

So, we busy ourselves with tactics. We add chores to our life. We schedule our calendars to the hour, filling in every ugly open spot. We add rules to our Sabbath.

We forget an important lesson that Jesus taught.

See, there was this really tactical guy…he did it all right. He trained. He planned. He performed. He was on time. He was head of his class. He was first in his platoon. And he asked Jesus “Hey, sergeant, I’ve mastered all the drills, moves, and maneuvers! Which one of those tactics is going to win the most battles?”

And Jesus answered:
“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ (Matthew 22:37-38).

It wasn’t the reply the young man was looking for.

Jesus gave him a strategic answer, not a tactical one. Jesus could have said, “Wash our feet.” Or “Feed my sheep,” or “Shelter the homeless”, “listen to your wife when she talks,” or “discipline your children when they mess up.” All of those are the tactics of love. But instead, Jesus cut to the chase. He talked strategy.

That’s a good plan. When we understand the strategy—I mean REALLY understand it--we can make better choices about our tactics. When we know the goal, then we can improvise as necessary in the steps to reach that goal. When we know God wants us to “love your neighbor as yourself” then we can make a decision to spend as much quality time with our spouse as we do Oprah or Madden.

Tactics appeal to us because they are short, discreet, and easy to understand (if not perform).

But we get lost in tactics when we forget the strategy.

We don’t see the forest because of the bees. (Bees are sting-ey…they DEMAND your attention!)

The Flexical Strategery of Spirtual Leadery
If you Google the phrase “Spiritual Leadership Husband”, it only takes you a couple of hits to see some link where a wife is asking about ways to prod her husband into becoming the spiritual leader of her household. Now, I’m not saying this is wrong! All husbands should get a good prodding now and then by a well-intentioned partner. And husbands have a Biblical mandate to “headship” (Ephesians 5:23, but please, oh please read ALL of that context!)

But look closely how those desperate housewives define “spiritual leadership”. “He should schedule our family devotions every day!” or “He should do more things at church” or “I really wish he would plan the systematic theological training of our family across a fifteen year period.”.

Again, don’t misread me. All of those endeavors are good and right and excellent things. They are fine tactics in their time and place. I’m also “marriage enriched” enough to recognize that when a wife asks for specific things like that, there’s often something deeper that’s missing.

You’re missing strategy.

Headship, spiritually, cannot overlook the importance of strategy. “Love the Lod your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind…” As a spiritual leader in your home, do your children think of you and say “ahh…my mom loves Jesus” or “wow…my dad is Godly in all that he does”? Or, do your children say: “oh no…here comes drill instructor again!”

Modeling how to memorize a Bible verse is important. So is holding your children accountable to daily time in God’s word.

But being a strategic spiritual leader means you are always focused on the primary goal of “Love God.” So, every nuance, every interaction—all the things that make up your life—those around you know where your heart is.

It’s how you speak to your spouse when money is tight.

It’s how you make decisions about what to do with a Sunday afternoon.

It’s thirty minutes spent on a science fair project, and an hour at practice with the team, and being the first to sign up for the service project, and what you say about your in-laws after you hang up the phone.

My friend, the Colonel, defines leadership as the “art of influence”, and you know what? He’s spot on.

Spiritual leadership of a family is a constant influence. It’s much harder than a task list, by the way. It’s living in constant love, fear, and obedience of the one true Almighty God who could unmake and forget all about you in a sneeze, if ever were he to desire it. (Note: He’s not going to desire that. )

So, as you plan for your next battle in this spiritual war we wage daily against a world that wants to wear us out and keep us ineffective, keep this in mind:

Tactics without Strategy will often leave you dead halfway up the hill you’re charging.

Strategy without Tactics will result in well-meaning-ness that never will quite inspire your family to grow.

Be both. Be godly.

And lead it like you mean it.

The Ritual

2011-08-25T08:29:00.002-05:00

Originally posted in October of 2009, but still very true.

There is a ritual that happens every school morning in our house. There is also routine, but the meaning of the ritual is more significant to me. The routine is the pre-show to the ritual.

Graham gets up first and drags himself into the living room where I let him sit at the coffee table to eat his cereal while he watches cartoons. We have a few moments of snuggling and lamenting about how we wish we could go back to bed. That is followed by me kicking him out of the chair, convincing him that he’s not sick and no I won’t homeschool him. Then finally I wake Rachel up. Her eyes are bleary and she walks into the living room like a zombie with hair every which way. I repeat the routine with her with a bowl of cereal and cartoons. In the meantime, Graham is dressed and ready to go out the door. After Rachel finishes her breakfast, she finally emerges from her room a completely different person than the one she entered as, looking as if she’s stepped right out of a Neutrogena ad.

Graham sometimes rides his skateboard, but half of the time I drive him. I come home from dropping him off only to load Rachel up and begin the trek to the middle school. Sometimes the routine is interrupted by turning around because of a forgotten lunch box, signed form, or homework assignment. But finally each child is where they’re supposed to be and on time.

This is when the ritual begins.

When I walk back in the door, my house is lit up like a Christmas tree. I’m sure you can see it from space. I begin with the hall light next to the kitchen, then the laundry room light, then the kitchen. I fold up cereal boxes and rinse out bowls that should have already been rinsed out. I tie up loaves of bread and 409 the milk that was sloshed on the floor, otherwise it’ll be sticky. I make my way to the kids’ rooms and turn off each of their lights- lamps and overhead lights- and their bathroom light. Then finally the hall light.

The house is quiet and empty, but each room tells a story of what happened that morning. In Rachel’s room, there are books stacked everywhere and clean clothes strewn across the floor because she couldn’t decide what to wear. There are papers with cartoons drawn on them carefully scattered next to her bed. There’s a pencil lying on top of the paper where she dropped it from falling asleep the night before.

In Graham’s room, it’s not much different. Of course there’s laundry everywhere because it takes way too much effort to pick it up and walk the 2 feet to their laundry basket. In one corner there’s soccer gear. In the other corner is skateboard gear. And all over the bed are chord charts for his guitar. There is a phenomenon, however, in Graham’s room. Do you remember in the movie Signs that Abigail Breslyn always left glasses of water everywhere? Graham does that. I don’t know why he can’t finish one before he gets another. Sometimes it’s cups of milk, but he naturally learned his lesson after finding out the science behind it being unrefrigerated.

I will rant and rave about the virtues of keeping things straight…a place for everything and everything in it’s place. There will be no skateboarding or computer until your room is straight. Why is this basket right here? It’s for your backpack to go in, not beside. Don’t you know that corn flakes will dry up and stick to the side of this bowl and it will take a blow torch to get it off?

I sometimes feel like the Army- I do more before 7am than most people do all day. My house and I just roll our eyes and shake our heads and snicker at the mass chaos each morning.

But I will take a deep breath, realize the President isn’t going to visit today, and be thankful to the Lord that the house is full of people that I like.

That’s part of the ritual too.

What Works For Us- It Keeps Getting Better

2011-08-13T09:20:00.007-05:00

In honor of our anniversary today, I asked Randy 10 questions about what makes our marriage tick.

What's the best thing about being married (in general, not just to me)?

Knowing that I always have a friend to share life with. Someone whom I can take care of, and who will take care of me when things are tough. Knowing that there's always someone to listen to my trivial stories, to acknowledge my bad jokes, to surprise with news of new movies and shows, and in general just to share life with--that's awesome.

What's the worst?

As close as we are, knowing how often I disappoint you and let you down. You see me at all my worst times, and after 17 years, you know most of my mistakes even before I make them.

What's the biggest challenge?

Answering 17th Anniversary Surveys.

What do you think makes our marriage work so well?

God. Seriously, I believe the fact that we both respect and seek God, and our commitment to Him...that keeps drawing our commitment to one another closer together.

When you leave your clothes on the floor in the bedroom...actually that's not a question. It's more of an observation. Care to comment?

It's Feng Shui. It balances out the shopping bags and empty Diet Coke cans.

Touché. We've been married for 17 years. Any regrets?

I regret that it's gone by so fast.

Name one all-time favorite memory of being married to me.

That's like saying name your favorite meal. I might be able to narrow down to a favorite food or restauraunt, but the great experiences are too numerous to say just one. The memory that always goes to the front of my mind is just our evenings together, talking and watching TV, or just talking. Hearing you laugh when I pretend the dog is talking.
Oh. Maybe the cookie dance.

Ah, the cookie dance. If you could give one piece of advice to a couple of newlyweds, what would it be?

Find something you love together and do it at least once a week. Other than sex, I mean. Go to a movie. Paint a picture. Do a puzzle. Play a game. Watch a show. Spend your life planting opportunities to interact. As you grow closer together, deepen them.

Why do you think men are so romantically challenged when they know it would go a really long way with their wives? (No, this is not a set-up.)

If I could answer that, I wouldn't be romantically challenged. :) We all see the world through our own eyes, and map our wants, likes, and dislikes to other people. We each assume that our mate works just like we do. A lot of marriage is spent correcting that notion.

With the above in mind, define "romantic". For women, I think it's typically things that require planning and forethought--you want to know that your guy is connecting with you emotionally, and that you are on his mind. It might be as simple as agreeing with something you say, or something as elaborate as leaving a trail of roses through the house.

For guys, "romance" is when you are engaged with him in an activity he loves--and no, I don't just mean physically. I remember those times in our marriage when we've read the same book at the same time, or played a game together. Those moments of selflessness on Carrie's part--sharing experiences, but outside her first preference, that's incredible.

So, when it comes down to it, I think both men and women are romantically challenged. Just like every human on the planet is service-challenged. We are all fairly selfish. Romance--and love--come in to play when we give up some of our time or thought or plans to make someone else feel special.

Wow, you really thought that one through. What are you most looking forward to in the next 17 years of marriage?

Comfort. Not as in luxury, but as in relationship. I think we're just starting to get a lot of life figured out. There is a security in knowing someone so well. There's also a challenge; that we can find a way to keep surprising each other. I'm looking forward to that too.

What's Worked for Us- Rules for Living...or at least getting you through WalMart

2011-08-08T21:14:00.007-05:00

When our kids were babies, Randy and I were taught that kids crave discipline. They thrive on order and that if there are no expectations their world can seem insecure.

I was determined that both of my kids were going to behave when we went out in public, and quickly learned that it was a lot harder work for me than it was for them. Inconvenient even. But this was my goal and I would not be defeated.

So a simple, but effective, method I used was telling them what the rules were. I know, I know. You're stunned. But I surprised myself at how often I expected perfect behavior when I didn't communicate to them what perfect behavior looked like. See if this scenario sounds familiar.

You're in Wal-Mart, one kid in the shopping cart and one kid hanging on to the side. From the moment you hit the door they begin with the only thing in their repertoire, the "Can I have that?" song. It's a song that is sung the entire time you're there and no matter how many times you say "no," they're holding out for that brief moment of insanity when you say "yes."

When stopping to find the ripest bunch of bananas, you turn around only to see precious toddler talking with produce man and the produce man is picking up the apples that precious toddler just knocked all over the floor. Sweet toddler in the buggy begins to wail because precious toddler is now taking bite after bite of the apple and now sweet toddler has to have one.

After another 30 minutes of trying to appease the crying toddler, avoiding a near fatal cart turn-over because of a cookie grab from toddler in buggy, putting back the second row of bread that was obliterated in one foul swoop, and apologizing (again) to the store employee for the broken jar of jelly on the floor because of an over-helpful precious toddler, you swear as God as your witness, that you will only ever do your grocery shopping at midnight. When it's quiet. And all toddlers will be in bed asleep at home with their father. You avoid eye contact with any elderly ladies because you know that look on their face is begging to say "Back in my day..."

We've all been there and these are those moments that make us all laugh when we talk about them, but rarely do we find the humor when we're in the midst of it. So here are a few things that really helped me. Disclaimer: These are not instant fixes. They take work and discipline and time.

1. Simply explain the rules when you pull into the parking lot. I would put the car in park, turn the radio off, make them look me in the eyes and repeat everything I said.

2. Keep the rules simple. Some examples are-
• Do not ask for anything. This was always our number one rule because it was the most annoying to me and the most abused by them.
• Always stay with Mommy. Sometimes they think that staying with Mommy just means that you can "see" Mommy. They always need to be right at your side. Don't expect them to do this unless you're specific about what "stay with Mommy" means. Rachel had it in her mind that just because she could see me, I could see her.
• Do not talk to strangers.
• Do not touch unless Mommy gives you permission. If I had a dime for everything that wound up in my cart at checkout that I had no idea how it got in there...

Tailor your rules to your kids. These were just a few that my kids needed.

3. As I mentioned before, be specific! You can't just say "obey me" and expect them to obey. Give them specific rules. And then be specific about the rules. If one of your rules is "Don't touch," be specific about what not to touch. Give examples and past situations (e.g. "Remember when you stuck your hands in the grapes and squished them in your fingers?")

4. Consequences! This was my son's first word. I'm not kidding. And it is a whole other blog post, but I can't talk about rules and expectations without talking a little about consequences. They are what make a kid's world go round. Just as it's crucial to good behavior to clearly communicate the rules, it's as equally important to explain the consequences of behavior- good or bad. "If you break any of these rules, then you will (fill in the blank)."

5. When you pull into the parking lot, make them tell you what the rules are first.

Mom: Hey, what are the rules we need to remember?
Kid: No asking for stuff.
Mom: Yes! Great job! What else?

And so on. Something fun I used to do is have them throw one or two rules in there that they make up. For instance, "No talking to the bananas" or "Touch your nose on aisle 7." They loved it and every now and then they found a really helpful rule that I didn't think of before.

6. Usually I'm not big on rewards for every good behavior because behaving well is expected. But if they don't expect the reward, then I will reward away! This is still a huge pleasure for Randy and me to do for our kids. I tried not to make it candy, but maybe a bottle of bubbles or some sugarless gum.

7. Go over the rules every time. Again and again and again. And again. I believe you'll be pleasantly surprised at how much better behaved kids are when they know what to expect going in to a situation. Maybe not right at first, but if you follow through with the consequences of breaking the rules no matter how minor the offense was, you'll have a well-behaved child and relative peace during your shopping (or wherever public place you are).

God wants us to obey Him, but doesn't expect us to do things we don't know how to do.

"His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness." 2 Peter 1:3

It is up to us as parents to shepherd our children towards a Godly life. This means teaching them self-control and to always "in humility, consider others better than ourselves." Philippians 2:3

If my kids are ever having problems behaving, even still, we know we have one of two problems. 1. They don't know or understand the rules, or 2. We haven't been enforcing the consequences.

The payoff for teaching this to my children, the highest compliment, was when I had both of my toddlers in the store, listening along with everyone else to another toddler on the other side of the store having a major meltdown, and an elderly lady put her hand on my arm, looked me in the eyes and said, "Thank you."

And because I had done all this work partly for her I said, "You're welcome."

What's Worked for Us- The Art of the Appeal

2011-07-25T22:06:00.008-05:00

A rule that we've always had at our house is no whining. We actually set up this rule even before we had kids. There's no whining. If you come over to our house and whine, well...we wouldn't make you leave, but you'd receive a stern warning.

When we actually had kids, we knew we were probably in for some serious anti-whining training. So we enrolled ourselves in a Bible-based parenting program and learned how to train kids not to whine.

An extremely valuable, and oftentimes very entertaining, method of anti-whining training is the "appeals process".

We believe that the Bible has specific instructions for us on how to ask God for something that we want. There are many verses that talk about what our hearts should desire and how much God wants to bless us.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."
Ps. 37:4

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything through prayer and petition with thanksgiving make your requests known to God." Phil. 4:6

These are just a couple. So training our children how to ask for something, instead of whining that they don't have it, not only inspired peace in our home but is teaching them a valuable lesson about their relationship with their Heavenly Father.

1. Toddler stage- We taught them how to say, "May I appeal, please?"
At this stage, we set up the basics of the appeal process. They didn't get the whole concept, they simply learned how to say the phrase and we demonstrated the consequences of invoking the privilege of asking. It usually went like this:

Rachel: Mommy, may I have a cookie.
Mom: No, you may not.
Rachel: Mommy, may I 'peal please?
Mom: Yes! You may! (Showing her how excited I was that she "got it")
Rachel: Mommy, may I have a cookie?

Like I said, they don't get the concept. They're simply learning how to say it and getting into the habit of appealing. If they did appeal, usually, if it wasn't impossible, I would give them what they wanted as a reward for not whining and followed up with a "I like it so much when you ask like that!"

2. Early elementary stage- At this stage, they understand reason more. So after they've asked if they can appeal, only to ask the question the same way again, we began to teach them more of the mechanics of the appeal. It went like this:

Graham: Mommy, can I go out and play with Braden?
Mom: No, you may not.
Graham: May I appeal, please?
Mom: Yes, you may.
Graham: Can I go out and play with Braden?
Mom: Give me three reasons why I should let you go out and play with Braden.
Graham: I've finished all my work, he's asked me to come play basketball, and I really think you're pretty.
Mom: Have fun and be back in an hour.

The object of the appeal is not to beg for what you want, but to seriously plead your case. At this stage, it's more thought out.

3. Later elementary stage (4th-6th grade): Now, this stage came as a surprise to us. A very pleasant surprise. Teaching your kids the appeals process is really hard work and takes some discipline on both parties. For us, this is what teaching our children the appeals process looked like at the later elementary stage:

Graham: Mom and Dad, I would like to invite you to the office for a short presentation.

What followed was nothing short of a business proposal including a well rehearsed speech and an impressive PowerPoint with graphics and charts and eight reasons why Graham should be allowed to have a certain video game.

We were floored. I still have the PowerPoint in fact. I can't remember if we allowed him to have the video game but I do know there was definitely something given that was equally as exciting to him. He'd put a LOT of work into what he made and had really thought out his proposal.

4. Early teen- Now we're rolling. Rachel is now in middle school and it's time to take our skills to the real world. She is learning that grades can be about 90% hard work and about 10% appeal, give or take some percentages.

Grades are very important to Rachel. She took an English test last year and made below an A. She was devastated and we talked it over after school and I told her she needed to talk to her teacher.

The next day, I received an email from her English teacher saying how impressed she was with Rachel. She said that Rachel approached her and said, "Do you have a few minutes? This question here, may I appeal, please?" The teacher wrote me, "After I picked my jaw off the floor, I said 'absolutely' and Rachel made her case." The teacher was so impressed with Rachel's well-thought out appeal that the teacher couldn't argue with her and gave her an A.

Sometimes I believe that God wants to give us stuff that we want, but is just waiting for us to ask the right way and for our hearts to be in the right place. I know that's how I am with my kids. I will say that it's a bit of an ego booster to have another adult be impressed that my kid knows about this "trick". But in the grand scheme of things, I just want them to be full of integrity and know how to communicate with others throughout their lives in such a way that their love for Christ and,in turn,their love for others is so evident.

What's Worked for Us- Chore Choices

2011-06-28T17:17:00.003-05:00

Ever since Graham was able, it's been his job to empty the trash and line the trash can with a new bag.He never complained about actually having to do it, but there was a complaint or two about how hard it is to get the bag out of the can.

So I had an idea. The next time he went to the grocery store with me I let him pick out the trash bags. He had put a lot of thought into it and chose ones that he thought would be better and easier. Now I know not every kid is going to get excited about trash bags, but he was. Not "I-got-a-new-Xbox-game" excited, but there was a certain sense of ownership to his chore.

What's Worked For Us

2011-04-25T15:08:00.003-05:00

Randy and I were talking to a friend who is also a parent. The friend complimented us on how great our kids were and said, "You have been really blessed with great kids."

After having been told that a couple of times from other people, I had finally had it. I looked at our friend in the eyes and said, "How those two turned out is not a blessing. They are YEARS of hard work, many tears and a lot of sleepless nights. It's inconvenient and gray hairs and some missed opportunities. It is a commitment and a calling from God that we've failed on many occasions, but take very serious. So a blessing? I wish. It'd be great if they were naturally wonderful children. But,no. They're human and hopelessly flawed and prone to temper tantrums, but we are determined to make them into people who love God first and all that that means and to be productive and diligent contributors to the Gross National Product."

After our friend closed his mouth at my tirade, he was sorry he said anything in the first place. So we began to talk a little bit about our parenting philosophy, some of which we've gotten from the book Growing Kids God's Way, but all of it from God's Word.

We are not experts, certainly, and don't claim to be parenting gurus. We have had our fair share of disasters and have stumbled along the way. But because we've been asked many times about how we get our kids to answer "yes ma'am" and come immediately when we call, we've decided to revamp our blog and take some time to offer a few ideas of what's really worked for us.

More to come.

Bullies, Birds, and the Number of Hairs on Your Head

2011-04-05T10:47:00.004-05:00

I was sitting in a McDonalds with a friend, chatting and catching up while our young children played in the play area. You know, the tubes that look like they’re made for giant hamsters. We call them “habitrails” for kids.

Now when you have children, God implants a device within moms. It’s amazing and ingenious and I have yet to see it in dads. It’s that natural tuning that allows moms to hear their child’s voice even though they’re in a large room full of other screaming children. We can hone in on our child’s call. It’s all over Discovery Channel and Animal Planet and it just so happens that human mommies have it too.

So there we were, enjoying some adult interaction when all of a sudden I hear it. It’s my then 4-year-old little boy’s cry. I got up to follow the cry and what I saw is forever emblazoned on my brain. There, in the tallest section of the habitrail, is my precious blonde-haired blue eyed baby boy, being pummeled by a slightly bigger boy. Graham is looking down at me with complete terror and confusion.

There are moments in our lives where we feel things that in otherwise normal situations we believe that moral human beings shouldn’t feel. This was one of those moments. I felt enraged and murderous. I fully believe that in that moment I had a lapse in judgment and could not make my brain figure out how to get up the tube to where my son was. I could see the other boy punching him and biting him on the ear, but for the life of me, I couldn’t get to him. I knew, though, that if I did get to the boys I would forever regret my actions. The other boy was not a child to me. He was not someone else’s little boy that was loved and cherished as my son was. He was a threat.

By this time, all of the other moms were abuzz and yelling at the other boy to stop. The kids finally made their way down the tube and my son safely, once again, into my arms.

He was relatively unharmed except for some shell shock. My son barely remembers the incident, (though my daughter remembers it with perfect clarity and is still organizing a mob to take out the punk) and seems completely unaffected.

Flash forward to 5th grade. Randy and I are in France when we get a call from my sister. My son had been clocked in the face by a kid who was apparently having a bad day. My son believed he was playfully teasing the boy, but the boy must have heard it wrong and took offense.

Now remember the part where I’m in France? It’s about 1am for me when all this happens and I seriously felt like I could sprint across the ocean on foot to throttle this other kid. Once again, God is protecting me from myself.

Recently, while on a trip, I overheard Graham telling Rachel that there were some boys talking in the lunchroom about the incident in the 5th grade. They decided it would be fun to punch Graham to see if he’d cry. Every mom bone in my body wanted to throw those boys in jail (and I don’t believe they’re going to need my help with that in the future). I fought back tears and tried to be calm. Randy put his hand on my arm and I quickly got my self-control. The last thing an 11-year-old boy needs is for “mommy” to grab some other boys by the ear and tell them to “leave my baby alone.”

So I prayed. I asked God, “why?” And His response was as clear as a bell. “Step back and cool off. I am making him.” Graham does not live in fear. He’s not afraid of those boys or to go to school. He simply shrugs his shoulders and has a “whatever” attitude.

That I can handle. I really like that about him, in fact. It makes me believe that one day Graham will be a youth pastor or a teacher or simply someone’s mentor and be able to tell them his story. He’s tucking it away as a life experience and something that was just another mark on his currently short timeline.

It is my job to protect my children at all costs, but there are times when I believe I have to step back and let them figure things out on their own. I can’t fight all their battles.

That’s how God is with us, isn’t it? The Almighty, All-Knowing, Creator of the Universe is our bodyguard. He’s our Daddy. But I believe he allows things to happen to us that shape us and form us into His image. And if the pain I feel while being forced to watch my child being subject to a bully, imagine…imagine the pain that our Abba Father feels while his children suffer.

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” Matthew 6:26

“Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” Luke 12:7

A Parent's Prayer

2011-04-05T10:17:00.003-05:00

My Mother-in-Law has A Parent's Prayer framed in her guest room where Randy and I sleep when we're there. It is the best prayer I've ever read that expresses the kind of parent I want to be.

Oh, God, make me a better parent.
Help me to understand my children,
to listen patiently to what they have to say
and to answer all their questions kindly.
Keep me from interrupting them,
talking back to them and contradicting them.
Make me as courteous to them
as I would have them be to me.

Give me the courage to confess my sins
against my children and to ask of them forgiveness,
when I know that I have done them wrong.

May I not vainly hurt the feelings of my children.
Forbid that I should laugh at their mistakes or
resort to shame and ridicule as punishment.

Let me not tempt a child to lie and steal.
So guide me hour by hour that I may demonstrate
by all I say and do that honestly produces happiness.

Reduce, I pray, the meanness in me.
May I cease to nag:
and when I am out of sorts,
help me, O Lord, to hold my tongue.

Blind me to the little errors of my children
and help me to see the good things that they do.
Give me a ready word for honest praise.

Help to treat my children as those of their own age,
but let me not exact of them the judgments
and conventions of adults.
Allow me not to rob them of the opportunity
to wait upon themselves,
to think, to choose, and to make decisions.

Forbid that I should ever punish them
for my self satisfaction.
May I grant them all of their wishes that are
reasonable
and have the courage always to
withhold a privilege that I know will do them harm.

Amen

So Long Limb

2010-11-02T16:39:00.004-05:00

As I’m sitting here trying to work, I can hear the big city truck in front of my house loading up huge parts of our trees that we had trimmed yesterday. It needed to be done. These trees were overgrown and out of control and needed a bit of a makeover.

But as relieved as I should be and glad for the update to our house, I am sad. I am sad and I realize something about myself that I have prided myself on being just the opposite all these years.

I’m not good with change.

Why just this morning Randy and I went to vote, but figured out that our city has changed from assigning us a place to vote to being able to vote wherever we wanted to. Not good. We had to drive 15 minutes from our house and (gasp) wait in line. I missed our normal place where they have doughnuts and we knew right where to go and where to sign.

But a tree…

I know what you’re thinking. She’s crazy. They didn’t even chop the thing down, they just trimmed it. But they trimmed the best part.

You see, there was a limb that jutted out horizontally over our yard, across the sidewalk, and almost to the street. It was a great limb! The best limb! Kids from all over the neighborhood would end up in our yard because of that limb! In that tree, under and sometimes straddled across that limb, treaties were made. Conspiracies were planned. Grand schemes of world domination were designed. Songs were written and all the secrets of the universe were wondered on.

Over the years, 10 to be exact, I’ve had to keep my mouth shut. As a mom, it’s my job to worry about people dropping out of trees. It was all I could do to march out in my front yard and declare, “Everybody out of the tree and off the limb. You’ll break your neck!”

I would even have the phone in my hand and ready to dial 911. I had a Google page ready to go of how to splint a broken arm or leg. I just knew someone was going down and it would be in my yard and a lawsuit would be pending.

But none of the sort ever happened. Just pure summer fun- rope or Nerf gun in one hand and a Popsicle in the other.

The four of us stood in the front yard yesterday and mourned the limb. We delivered our eulogies and lamented that the tree would never be the same. I half expect there to be flowers on my front porch and a peach cobbler or two as the now teenage kids in the neighborhood pay their respects.

The kids haven’t been in that tree for quite some time now. It’s not that the limb provided us with anything useful. It covered up our yard and caused us to get a warning from the city if we didn’t trim it back so people wouldn’t run into it on our sidewalk.

But time moves on and the limb outlived its usefulness. I think Shel Silverstein was on to something there.

So long limb. Maybe you’ll be some ground cover in one of our city parks or mulch in a flower bed. Wherever you go, thanks for all the fun.

My Kid Can Beat Up Your Honor Roll Kid

2010-09-08T16:58:00.004-05:00

There is an instinct in parents to brag on our kids. We are “one-uppers” when it comes to sons and daughters (i.e. “Your kid is lead scorer of his soccer team? Well my kid is being recruited by colleges already”).

I’m sure it’s nothing new and it will probably never be old. Parents probably bragged on their kids even back in Bible times. There’s Joseph standing next to the other dads watching their sons play soccer in a field, or whatever game they played. Jesus has just scored again, but still manages to encourage the other team at the same time. One dad starts in about how his son is already catching twice as many fish as he is. Boy, won’t he make a great fisherman when he grows up. And another dad brags about how his son can plow a field like nobody’s business and he’s only 9! And then Joseph pipes up and the other dads just roll their eyes because his kid is sooo perfect.

As parents, we always want our children to have better than we did, to be better than we were. It must be the survival instinct to better the human race.

When my kids were little and I put Rachel in ballet for the first time, I had these very grand ideas of her becoming a prima ballerina. I envisioned trips to New York where she would audition for Julliard, or whatever famous school, and they would beg her to be in their school. I foresaw Graham, large-baby Graham, being a line-backer and first string on the high school football team and then going on to college with a scholarship. He’s still shorter than most boys his age and skinny as a whip, but I digress.

I remember a very sobering conversation with my husband not too long ago. We often sit around and talk about how great and talented the kids are and pat ourselves on the back for doing such a wonderful job and “isn’t Rachel the most beautiful girl ever! And that Graham, boy he’s going to make a lot of money when he grows up. Do you think other people think this about our kids or are we just biased?”

Then one day, while we were gushing about our super-talented, beautiful children, I asked Randy, “What do you think Rachel will be when she grows up?” His reply was, “She’ll more than likely be a wife and mom.”

Nuh-uh! Hold up! Kill the motor dude!

She’s going to MIT to study robot engineering and discover the cure for cancer! Or she’ll be a famous singer and songwriter and I’m going to sit on the front row with thousands of screaming fans and beam because that’s my daughter. Or Graham is going to be a famous soccer player or skateboarder and go on the Mountain Dew tour and I’m going to sit on the front row with thousands of screaming fans and beam because that’s my son!

When in reality, Rachel will probably be a wife and mom and lead a Bible study at her church and teach Sunday School in the Jr. High ministry. Graham will probably fall madly in love with some girl whom I am already praying for and work on computers like his dad. They will most likely live quiet lives like their folks do and in some way work hard to contribute to the gross national product and most importantly the Kingdom of God.

That’s really all I can ask for. I’ve not given up on the grand dreams and will be right there thinking “I knew it!” when a record producer discovers Rachel. Or when Graham takes time off from being CEO of his very successful computer gaming company to represent the US in track and field at the Olympics. But I believe success as a parent is how I’ve raised my child to be a blessing to others. I know how great they are and if God chooses to share their greatness with the rest of the world, that’s cool. But I often have to back myself up during these bragging sessions with other parents, and stop worrying so much that my children aren’t “advanced” enough or a prodigy in something.

I realize that if they turn out like their folks, living quiet lives, that’s really great. After all, their mom is not just a mom. She’s also an actress and a writer…that gets paid for acting and writing even. Their dad is a video game producer for crying out loud.

So if I’m on my death bed and surrounded by my children, and their children, and their children’s children, much like my grandmother was not too long ago, I will count my life successful. And theirs too.

Did I mention Rachel’s written two books already and starting on a third? Just saying.

Sixteen Years and Counting

2010-08-13T21:08:00.002-05:00

Pictures

2010-06-24T21:44:00.006-05:00

The Last Airbender

2010-06-15T13:39:00.006-05:00

We are a movie-going family. It's one of our all-time favorite things to do. So when summer movie season comes around we get out our Entertainment Weekly and consult our favorite review websites like Rotten Tomatoes and Common Sense Media. We watch trailers and check out the actors on Internet Movie Database. It is not unlike making our predictions and filling out spreadsheets for the NFL draft.

This year we are particularly excited about The Last Airbender. It was supposed to be called Avatar: The Last Airbender, but I think we all know where that title wound up.

The Last Airbender (Avatar) is a cartoon from Nickelodeon that the kids and I got into a few years ago while we were eating breakfast and getting ready for school. We made sure we got up a few minutes early so we'd have time to watch the full episode.

It is a story about young boy and his companions who live in an Asian inspired world where there are four different tribes- air, water, earth, and fire. Each tribe has members who have the ability to summon that element. Firebenders can shoot fire, waterbenders can manipulate water, etc. Aang, our hero, is the last of his airbending tribe, but is also a chosen one- a reincarnation of a special being that has the power to use all four elements. The Avatar.

I am particularly excited that M. Night Shyamalan is directing, though it is admittedly on his part, a "Buddhist movie". We have never felt like Buddhism has been shoved down our throats from the animated series and I'm hoping that M. Night won't either. I've enjoyed most of the movies that he's written and directed and I really love his style. This movie was not filmed in 3D, but has been converted to 3D and we are sort of purists when it comes to that. If I'm going to pay $4 extra for a 3D movie, I want to know that my money is paying for those cameras and the extra effort.

The Last Airbender will have some amazing martial arts and some really fun characters. From what we've seen of the previews they've followed right along with the animated series and that makes us really hopeful for one of our favorite series. The Last Airbender opens July 2nd.

For more information on this and other kid-appropriate movies check out http://www.commonsensemedia.org/summer-movies.

Zippers and Egos

2010-05-18T10:30:00.003-05:00

It's a rite of passage that all children must go through, the "embarrassing parent" moments. You know, the comments meant to expose you and embarrass you in front of God and everyone, such as “I’ll miss you!” or “Mommy loves you!” and the ever popular “Make good choices!” I lived through it and now laugh about it and sometimes it winds up in a skit…or a blog post.

But as my sweet, southern mother would say after I whined about my Dad sending my boyfriend a tape of me singing, "God is building character in your life". And I fell for it.

Well, now it's my turn. The torch has been passed. The student becomes the master. But in order to fly the flag of Embarrassing Parent one must acquire a child who will succumb to the humiliation of being in such a family. A child who will cower in fear and submit to a higher power that has the ability to take you out of this world and make another one just like you.

We have two children in which to inflict such pain and humiliation upon. But only one can be swayed by threats of hugging in front of his friends or blowing kisses while he's on the soccer field.

No...the other, the older, the wiser, the unaffected...will not be moved. In fact, she welcomes it. "Bring it on!" is her motto. "Do your worst!" She is unafraid. She will gladly wave and blow kisses to "mommy" and respond with "you're the coolest" to my "make good choices" battle cry when dropping her off at school. She proudly exits the car at school when my hair is unkempt and I’m still in the t-shirt I wore to bed. Don’t dare her to do stuff. She will wind up in jail. She is a rock. Non-embarrassable. Non-self-conscious.

Until today.

After dropping off my beautiful, talented, well-liked daughter at school I noticed something a little off about the jeans she was wearing. Now, Rachel has had a problem with this since...well...birth. For Graham, it's keeping his shoes tied. For Rachel, it's been this particular oversight that she's never been mindful of or cared about until someone pointed it out, and with a shrug of her shoulders and an "oh thanks" she would fix the problem and carry on with her life. No big deal.

I have searched far and wide for the chink in Rachel's armor. Her Achilles heel. And today I found it. And now that she's in middle school and all of 12-years-old this particular thing holds new meaning, unbeknownst to me. So with love in my heart and nothing but the best of intentions, as Rachel waved goodbye and we exchanged "I love you's", I rolled the window down and declared:
"Honey, zip your pants!"

The next few seconds happened in slow motion. The freezing in mid-stride. The slowly turning around in utter mortification. The eyes as wide as saucers. I had done it. I had finally embarrassed my daughter

She took it all in stride and with good humor. I honestly didn’t mean to embarrass her. It was just a bonus to my Monday. She checked her zipper to make sure that they were, in fact, zipped and gave me a “Mooommm!!”

As parents, we don’t mean our children harm. But somewhere in the parent manual it says that you’re supposed to remind your children of their place in the world. It’s the same reason I read her emails and text messages. I want to know who she’s talking to and about what. She understands that she’s not entitled. There are things we must endure in life, and well-intentioned but oftentimes ego-busting parents are one of them.

I know that for myself, God laughs and says to the saints and angels around him “Hey, you wanna see something funny?” and then proceeds to put me in my place. Whether it be tripping while walking down the sidewalk, waving at a stranger I thought I knew, or asking that lady in Wal-Mart when she’s due…you get the rest of that story. It’s the natural order of things. It happens to all of us and will continue to happen for the rest of our lives. It’s just that the older you get, the less you care.

But I have to laugh, because it reminds me that I am not perfect. There will always be things out of my control. I am human and God is God. And that is such a good thing.

In Which I Am Humbled

2010-04-22T09:02:00.005-05:00

As a parent, I often wonder if I'm doing it right. You know, when there's an issue with your child's morality or ethics or reasoning? And usually it's not one of those cut and dry cases, such as "don't fight", "don't steal", or "don't create policy that alienates half the country"...you know...the obvious stuff.

We happen to have a debater in our house. And it wouldn't be such a bad thing if he wasn't so good at it. We punish, he comes back with a well thought out speech that, more times than not, we find ourselves saying "you make a good point". But we stick to punishments and stay on guard for the smooth-talk and honey-ed words that only our 11-yr-old can conjure up. He's good. He's very good.

So we have to stay sharp. We have to stay in the Word. A good friend once told me when my kids were just babies that "you are the governor of their souls". Yipes. Parenting is like walking down a dark path while holding up a lantern to show them the way. I really hope we're going the right way. Good thing we've got Google Maps on our smartphone. (Google Maps= Scripture...you get the analogy...)

So the other day I walked into my child's room who's mission in life is to be a hostage negotiator. (He doesn't' know it yet, but that's what he's going to be.) There, written on his whiteboard next to his desk, was this:

"Have I spent time with the Lord today? Have I been a servant today?"

I was humbled. I wondered why he keeps asking if he could get us anything. I just thought it was because he wanted more computer time. He was just trying to be a servant.

Parenting is hard work. You have to stay on top of things 24/7. But I know that despite my best efforts they're going to stumble. They're going to make bad decisions.

But God takes these little moments in my life to say, "I got this. You're doin' okay, but I've got my hand on him so chill out."

Skitzy Chicks Video Blog #21

2010-02-13T00:32:00.002-06:00

To check out the rest of our Skitzy Chicks video blogs, visit our FB page at www.facebook.com/skitzychicks or on Tangle at www.tangle.com/skitzychicks.

If I Knew Then...

2010-02-09T13:04:00.003-06:00

If I knew then what I know now...

...I'd have looked more into that 15 year mortgage instead of the 30 year.

...I would never have wished for my kids to be out of diapers...or car seats...or whatever was the next stage of their life.

...I would never have spent so much time worrying about what other people thought.

...I would never have gotten a credit card...or the one after that...or the one after that.

...I wouldn't have dated...certain guys.

...I would have spoken out more.

...I would have stood up for myself more.

...I would have figured out what I believe a lot sooner.

...I would have auditioned for more musicals.

...I wouldn't have said that, or made that stupid remark, or yelled.

...I would have worked it out then and there instead of letting it simmer.

...I would have had better eating habits.

...I would have used sunscreen when I was a kid instead of slathering on baby oil and laying out in the sun for hours on end.

...I definitely wouldn't have had pouffey bangs and had my picture taken.

...I would have paid more attention in class.

...I would have asked more questions.

...I wouldn't have been in such a hurry to grow up.

...I wouldn't have needed a "then" that made me who I am and got me to where I am now.

So Long '09

2010-01-14T14:17:00.003-06:00

Watch out Tomlin!

2009-12-15T14:34:00.002-06:00

For Your Listening Enjoyment

2009-12-14T09:55:00.002-06:00

This year at The Heights I was able to direct a dinner theatre for all of our ABF's (Adult Bible Fellowship, or Sunday School...it will always be Sunday School and Big Church for me). We performed the show "A Christmas Tale" and it was a bit of a family affair. Randy played the Narrator and Graham was known as "Dictionary Boy". It was the story of Christmas told in "troupe" style, thus the costumes. I'm posting one of my favorite songs from the show. My recording does not do the singers or the band justice, but hopefully you can get a good idea of just what a great talent we have at our church.

From right to left is Trent Blackley our music minister who got mad skills, Wendy Harju behind him who I could work with anyday...she makes it easy, Angela Irby our fearless children's choir director and vocal wizard, Loyce Pickett on the platform behind her and one of my new favorite people, Kami Loyd kneeling on the floor our resident cutie, Georgie Jinks on the stool and costume queen (who should be running a Broadway theatre), Randy is standing next to her and delivered an amazing performance...I miss hearing you sing, Graham my baby is sitting on the platform and just wowed everyone, and then Patrick Williams prophet extraordinaire and one of the hardest workers sitting next to Graham. Thanks, guys. I had a blast.

Thanksgiving at the Hollow

2009-11-30T09:21:00.001-06:00

As we do every year for Thanksgiving (except for that one fateful year that we couldn't get off work and had to eat at Luby's and Randy cried like a baby for a week), we went over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house (aka Hawkins Hollow) for some deep friend cajun turkey and the best cornbread stuffing this side of the Ozarks. This is the view from the Varnell's front porch. You can almost see all the kids in the distance playing...or killing each other...tomato-tomahto.

This is Randy and his brother, Steven. I'm pretty sure this was after we had eaten. They were taking a breather.

Rachel and I did a little bit of hiking/walking with one of my nieces.

I took this picture after we got back from our walk. There's a hill that goes up to the house that I call the booty buster because it kills! So I took a breather halfway up the hill and sat with my sweet mother-in-law and my youngest niece. That's their house in the background.

It was Sienna's 5th birthday, so we had a bonfire and roasted hot dogs! It was so nice outside.

Then we went in for some strawberry birthday cake and Sienna did the honors. She got her Razorback cheerleader uniform for her birthday!

So apparantly there was also a fashion shoot going on too. This is Rachel with her cousin Annabel and her friend Raney.

We had such a restful and relaxing time as always and can't wait to get back for Christmas. Notice I didn't take any pictures of our Thanksgiving dinner. My camera was still in the car and I was too committed to the stuffing to get up and get it. We are so blessed to have such an amazing family and a place where we can go and remember what's important in life. Thanks, NiNi and Pawpaw.

Slowing Down for Thanksgiving

2009-11-20T08:30:00.001-06:00

I usually start Christmas in September with getting Christmas scripts ready for The Skit Guys, plus all the Christmas music and drama at churches start two or three months before Christmas. So I try to drag out my Christmas music really early to get in the spirit. It's not easy to think about Christmas with the A/C whirring in the background.

This year, I decided we were going to slow down as much as we can and focus on Thanksgiving. I got this idea from Lulu.com that I found through another friend. It's a Thanksgiving tree. I cut out some leaves and got some tree branches and everyone hangs their leaf on the tree. We all have written some of the things that we are thankful for and it's there everyday to remind us. I know it's a little cheesy, but I've really enjoyed the unique things the kids come up with that really meant something to them on that day.

Graham's: "I am VERY thankful for Mom and Dad being very graceful and giving my wants when I don't deserve them".

Rachel: "I am thankful for a science teacher like Ms. McDonoghue and her pretty smile". (Rachel loves science)

Pictures from Paris- Last Day!

2009-11-17T13:55:00.001-06:00

This was our last day in Paris. Randy had to work, so I took off by myself. Since we hadn't gotten to tour Notre Dame, that's what I did.

In the main church area. It was very quiet...except for the Germans. I thought Americans were loud.

Just one of the Rose Windows. I really miss stained glass windows. There were so many throughout the whole church and each one told a story.

Halfway through my audio tour I hear a loud bell and the alter boys with the priest came out. He delivered a sermon while the tourists just walked around. It was a little odd, but fun to see.

After I had finished touring ND, I went back to the Louvre to see if I could finish seeing it. I think you'd really have to dedicate two full days, if not more, to seeing the whole thing. This time I took the audio tour. You really could spend hours and hours there. This picture is of a "vase" that Solomon had built. I know, right?! It was for water and it holds 20,000 gallons of it. It was huge. I was amazed at how much the Bible was referenced when they explained how we know about the origins of things.

This is a real mummy. I took this picture for Graham. You can see next to him (actually, I think it was a her) are the tools they used to...extract...her innards.

I loved this one. I really wanted this to be a compelling story, but it's not. It's a statue of a knight, Phillip I believe, who had died. He wasn't great or notable. Those little guys reminded me of those other little guys in Star Wars. I can't remember what they're called. I did look under their hoods and there is somewhat of a face painted on there.

I got turned around at one point and found myself in a part where there was no one. I was trying to find my way out but kept getting led down long halls and up and down staircases. I'm so glad I got lost because out of nowhere came Napolean's apartments. This is his dining room. Wow.

This is where he'd entertain people with plays and concerts. In the other room, just past those curtains, they'd stage a play for the people in this room. They could close those curtains so it'd be more like a theatre. They also had carpet on the floor for better acoustics.

Our last night in Paris! Randy did a wonderful job of navigating us around. We had this map that we used the whole time we were there. I think we had two more that were the same map, but for some reason we held on to one in particular. It had been the one I used the first day I got lost, so it was all flimsy from being rained on and it had all our destinations circled. When we got off the train this night, Randy had left it in the seat. We were both devastated, but figured it was the city telling us we had the hang of things. After wandering for a while to find this restaurant and going in circles, Randy realized that his phone had GPS and we could have been using it the whole time! This is a picture of the last restaurant we ate at- the oldest one in Paris dating back to the early 1600's. Voltaire came here frequently. I also have a picture of where Victor Hugo (Les Mis) would sit. It was amazing and the food was so good. Randy ordered snails, which suprisingly were actually quite tasty! I had duck and as we did every night in Paris, we topped it off with Creme Brulee.

Au revoir, Paris!

Versailles Part 2

2009-11-16T18:42:00.001-06:00

This is one of the paths around the gardens. There are groves and groves of trees and orchards. It goes on forever! I would love to go back and see it when it's all in bloom.

This is on the road to Marie Antoinette's chateau. Jen Sebby, I kept thinking how much you'd love it here!

Marie's little garden in her house.

Hallway into Marie's house.

I think this was one of her children's rooms. I can't remember.

Kitchen

This was behind Marie's house. She had some pretty amazing gardens. This is a gazeebo with some statue of a goddess.

She had all these fun little walkways. We didn't get to explore all of them, which I really hope to get to go back and do someday with Rachel. Our feet were killing us at this point.

Just another building where she would have musicians come and play.

Okay, so you'd be walking down these groves of trees and then out of nowhere would be these huge elaborate fountains. It was a little creepy without water, but I'm sure it's beautiful in the spring and summer when everything is in bloom and the weather is nicer.

Marie would open up the doors to that building in the back and have musicians play. There's a pond right there and you have to wind around through some rock arches to get over there. The paths go on forever and there were so many trees that I had never seen before. Just breathtaking.

At the end of our Versailles trip we got back on the train to Paris to find a restaurant that our good friends the Sebby's recommended. I think a friend of a friend owns it. We found it! But it's closed on Sundays.

Versailles Part 1

2009-11-16T17:01:00.000-06:00

When anybody asks me what my favorite part of the trip was I have to say Versailles. I dreamed about it that night! I took a lot of pictures, so it's in two parts. This is the walkway after we got off the train.

This is after we entered the gates...to get in line for tickets.

Here's Louis' chapel he had built for himself so he could worship from the comfort of his own home.

This was a very common scene while we were in Paris- Randy and his maps, ever the navigator.

Upstairs in Louis' chapel.

I'll only bore you once with a picture of a ceiling. They were all painted like this. So amazing.

Look at that fireplace! It's huge! It would have been great had it been lit. The temperature stayed in the mid 40's-mid 30's while we were there.

Louis' bed.

The Hall of Mirrors

Marie's bedroom. Little frilly, huh?

Their backyard. That's a big lake back there. We walked all the way to the end of it.

Pictures from Paris- More from the Louvre

2009-11-16T11:23:00.001-06:00

Some friends wanted to see more pictures, so here ya go! I really don't know much about these pieces since everything was in French and we didn't do the audio tour this day.

The Mona Lisa. We didn't get too close. We came. We saw. We can die now saying we saw it.

This guy's from Easter Island. Ever see Night at the Museum? He talks in that movie. I'm sure it's not this particular one, though. And, yes, I knew it was from Easter Island before I watched a Ben Stiller movie.

There was a whole room dedicated to Christian art. This is Jesus on a donkey.

Some of the walls from when the Louvre was a fortress.

From ancient Babylon. I think there are three more somewhere. It's floor to ceiling. Randy was crying like a girl at this point since we were being "shooed" out because it was closing time. He missed all the ancient stuff. We spent too much time in Renassaince art. He'll be back, though.

This is looking up at the pyramid at night.

Pictures from Paris- Day 3

2009-11-13T08:54:00.000-06:00

Saturday our plans were to go to the Louvre, Eiffel Tower and Notre Dame. We woke up really late (1pm and had no idea) and made it to the Louvre. Well, about a third of the Louvre. There are three different sections and we saw all of one and a little bit of the second. We sat on some steps to escape the drizzle and eat our sandwich, on a baguette of course, and our beignets before going in.

This is the Venus de Milo. For some reason this girl was standing there trying to pose like the statue. I kept trying to find her friend that was taking her picture, but there wasn't anybody. Strange.

The Louvre was originally built as a fortress. These are parts of the walls and lower levels of it. Here's Randy doing his best to translate the sign. He spoke more French than I did. All of the signs were in French so we had to guess on a lot of it.

We took tons of pictures in the Louvre, so it would be hard for me to show all of them on here. I really didn't think I was going to like it as much as I did. I actually went back the following Monday and took the audio tour on the stuff we missed on Friday. I still didn't get all the way through it though.

Pictures from Paris- Day 2

2009-11-13T08:05:00.000-06:00

On Friday, I decided to stay in and give my feet a rest. Thursday had been a huge ordeal with me getting out and exploring Paris by myself. When I got off the metro to get back to my hotel I had gotten lost and it was pouring down rain and I was determined not to have to get a taxi. There's a fun story about an old woman and a bar and several French men arguing in French about where my hotel was and trying to give me directions. My feet were very sore and blistered so I didn't punish them for a while. After Randy got off work, we went back downtown and saw the outside of Notre Dame. This is the restaurant across the street from it. The fun surprise each time I ordered was finding out how my food would come out. Here I had ordered fish and potatoes. It came out in a big shepherd's pie like configuration. It was actually very good and tasted like a crab cake.

Here is Notre Dame. The windows were just amazing. I toured it by myself the following Monday.

This is the Pompidour Centre. Randy had remembered this famous building and once I saw it I remembered seeing it in an art book in college. It's pretty neat.

Pictures from Paris- Day 1

2009-11-12T22:15:00.001-06:00

Actually, I slept the first day in Paris. We landed early in the morning, so we went to our hotel and I climbed in bed and crashed as Randy went off to work. The first "real" day in Paris I got up and walked down the street from our hotel to a "mall"...I use that term loosely. I realized I couldn't stay in the hotel room all day waiting for Randy to be done with work, so I yelled "Banzai!" (okay, I yelled it in my head) and took off for downtown on the metro. There are some really fun stories about me learning to use the subway. When I got to my stop, I walked out of the metro station and this is what I saw, The Arc de Triomphe. It took my breath away!

I took Randy back that night to see it and this was our view from the top of it. It is very high up and all stairs. We were sore for several days.

These were the stairs to the top. Seriously. And no water fountain, either. Apparantly they're really ticky about eating and drinking in their hundreds-of-years-old buildings.

This is us in front of the Arc. I can't believe how much we walked the whole time we were there. No wonder the French are so skinny.

We ate at this really amazing restaurant that night called DeVez. The food there was worth the trip alone. Their restaurants don't open, though, until 7pm or 7:30, so there were a couple of nights we were wondering around at 6pm waiting to find some food!

Go Rachel, It's Your B-day!

2009-10-07T11:33:00.008-05:00

Last Wednesday was Rachel's 12th birthday. I told her that this was the year we go backwards, so next year she'll be 11. She wasn't buyin' it.

This was the "big" gift. She's into robots, so she got the Lego Mindstorm. I asked her if she could make it do dishes and vacuum floors.

We had cupcakes from Cold Stone. Mmm...

This is just a reminder of how cute she was when she was little. Okay, she's still pretty cute. Happy Birthday to my future robotics engineer, rock star, movie star, President of the United States. When you take over the world just remember to buy your mom a house next door to you.

The Ritual

2009-09-18T11:15:00.002-05:00

There is a ritual that happens every school morning in our house. There is also routine, but the meaning of the ritual is more significant to me. The routine is the pre-show to the ritual.

Graham gets up first and drags himself into the living room where I let him sit at the coffee table to eat his cereal while he watches cartoons. We have a few moments of snuggling and lamenting about how we wish we could go back to bed. That is followed by me kicking him out of the chair, convincing him that he’s not sick and no I won’t homeschool him. Then finally I wake Rachel up. Her eyes are bleary and she walks into the living room like a zombie with hair every which way. I repeat the routine with her with a bowl of cereal and cartoons. In the meantime, Graham is dressed and ready to go out the door. After Rachel finishes her breakfast, she finally emerges from her room a completely different person than the one she entered as, looking as if she’s stepped right out of a Neutrogena ad.

Graham sometimes rides his skateboard, but half of the time I drive him. I come home from dropping him off only to load Rachel up and begin the trek to the middle school. Sometimes the routine is interrupted by turning around because of a forgotten lunch box, signed form, or homework assignment. But finally each child is where they’re supposed to be and on time.

This is when the ritual begins.

When I walk back in the door, my house is lit up like a Christmas tree. I’m sure you can see it from space. I begin with the hall light next to the kitchen, then the laundry room light, then the kitchen. I fold up cereal boxes and rinse out bowls that should have already been rinsed out. I tie up loaves of bread and 409 the milk that was sloshed on the floor, otherwise it’ll be sticky. I make my way to the kids’ rooms and turn off each of their lights- lamps and overhead lights- and their bathroom light. Then finally the hall light.

The house is quiet and empty, but each room tells a story of what happened that morning. In Rachel’s room, there are books stacked everywhere and clean clothes strewn across the floor because she couldn’t decide what to wear. There are papers with cartoons drawn on them carefully scattered next to her bed. There’s a pencil lying on top of the paper where she dropped it from falling asleep the night before.

In Graham’s room, it’s not much different. Of course there’s laundry everywhere because it takes way too much effort to pick it up and walk the 2 feet to their laundry basket. In one corner there’s soccer gear. In the other corner is skateboard gear. And all over the bed are chord charts for his guitar. There is a phenomenon, however, in Graham’s room. Do you remember in the movie Signs that Abigail Breslyn always left glasses of water everywhere? Graham does that. I don’t know why he can’t finish one before he gets another. Sometimes it’s cups of milk, but he naturally learned his lesson after finding out the science behind it being unrefrigerated.

I will rant and rave about the virtues of keeping things straight…a place for everything and everything in it’s place. There will be no skateboarding or computer until your room is straight. Why is this basket right here? It’s for your backpack to go in, not beside. Don’t you know that corn flakes will dry up and stick to the side of this bowl and it will take a blow torch to get it off?

I sometimes feel like the Army- I do more before 7am than most people do all day. My house and I just roll our eyes and shake our heads and snicker at the mass chaos each morning.

But I will take a deep breath, realize the President isn’t going to visit today, and be thankful to the Lord that the house is full of people that I like.

That’s part of the ritual too.

Meet Jenn Petersen

2009-09-15T21:30:00.005-05:00

So apparantly our good friend and Rachel's piano teacher, Jenn, is now a rock star. Go by and visit Jen's website and check out her newest CD called "Frayed"- http://www.jennpetersen.com/. While you're there, watch her video "Little Girl" and see my little girl make an appearance.

What I Did on My Summer Vacation

2009-08-24T20:45:00.016-05:00

This summer, oddly enough, seemed to be a pretty long one. I was without Rachel and Graham for about a month and a half since they were with Doodad at camp. As soon as the bell rang the last day of school, they were in the car headed to Arkansas. I finally picked them up the first week of July and I believe they were very ready to be home. We got to spend some time at Nini and Pawpaw's shooting some fireworks on the 4th of July, which was great and even required a jacket or a blanket while sitting on the porch at night.

We were able to go to Colorado Springs for our road trip this year. We really like road trips. And you pretty much have to like road trips to drive across Texas headed to Amarillo. That's a beating. Especially when you're the one doing the driving and everyone else is asleep and it's 6am on a Sunday morning.

I tried to choose some pictures that hit the highlights, so if you want to see some more you can come over to my house and we'll have some pie and watch a slide show.

Our first day we went to the Garden of the Gods. The rocks were amazing.

This rock had a hole in it so Graham stuck his head in it. Naturally.

I love this picture. Randy and I were on top of another big rock.
This is looking down from a balcony at the Cave of the Winds. We took the "Lantern Tour" which meant we got our own lanterns and walked through the cave without the lights on. That's why I don't have any pictures of inside the cave.

This is just a pretty picture of Rachel. Isn't she pretty? Let's all just look at her.

This is on our way up to Pike's Peak. This is where "America, The Beautiful" was written. I can see why the author was so inspired.

Here we are at Pike's Peak. It was 43 degrees. I was freezing. They have really good donuts at the top.

Okay, so one of our days it rained so we didn't get to do anything but drive around. Here's the conversation that Randy and I had in our parents' Yukon:

Randy: Hey take this road right here.

Carrie: Honey, I really don't think this is a road. I think it's a path for hikers.

Randy: No, it says right here on the map. It's a road. Just trust me.

Carrie: Are you sure?

Randy: I'm sure. See? The sign says "two-way traffic".

Carrie: Are you sure? It doesn't look wide enough for two-way traffic.

(After we've gone a little ways down the dirt road on the side of the mountain)

Randy: Hey, Carrie, you might want to veer to the left a little.

Carrie: Why's that?

Randy: Because of the sheer cliff I'm looking straight down.

This is the road we were on. There was a tunnel ahead and we were all excited. We did meet a car on the other side, but it was all very civilized and we didn't go off the cliff.

Randy and I got to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary on the 13th! We went to The Melting Pot which is fondue. Oh my goodness it was so good.

On our way home, we stopped at Royal Gorge which is just south of Colorado Springs. It was gorgeous. We had picnics everyday for lunch and this was our view on that day.Colorado Springs was so beautiful! It was such a nice break from the heat and the scenery was just breathtaking. I'm so glad I have such a cool family. It's a good thing we all like each other.

I also have to say a big giant "thank you" to Randy's parents for letting us use their car. It made the trip so much easier!

Thanks Stacy!

2009-07-20T19:09:00.000-05:00

Take the Quiz here!

Dear HP...

2009-06-23T21:18:00.004-05:00

June 23, 2009

Dear HP and others of concern,

As I type this letter, I am resigned to believe that I am a statistic--one of several thousand disgruntled customers who bought one of your products sold with a fault. I am not, however, in the camp of unreasonableness; I understand you are a respected brand, and, in fact, I’ve used your products at work for several years with great success.

In May, two years ago, I purchased a HP dv9000 series notebook (RL015AV) for my wife to use in her startup business as a writer. We wanted a laptop with a large screen for writing and for viewing DVD media, for both work and personal reasons. As our family also plays games, I wanted a laptop capable of playing current PC games with some degree of quality.

After some personal research, I called HP sales and was guided by a sales representative to the purchase of a dv9000 series laptop, customized to suit our needs. At the time, I was pleased with the price and the experience, and was excited when we got the laptop home.

That was where my excitement began to fade.

As this was our first experience with Windows Vista, my disappointment began as I attempted to install several of my favorite games and play them on the laptop. The Nvidial GeforceGO card in the laptop is apparently customized to HP, and the driver support was abysmal. Even two years later, it is difficult to find updated video drivers on HPs site. When the computer was functional, performance for gaming was far below my expectations for a computer with 2gb of RAM and what seemed to be a reasonably featured video card.

For HP: I would hope that your sales would have a more accurate view of laptop performance, especially when I tell the sales representative I would like reasonable performance for gaming.

About a year after purchase, the wireless networking stopped working on the laptop. Some quick scans in Google showed this to be a common problem and that HP had a recall for some laptops with this problem. However, on visiting the HP site, I was led to believe my particular model number was not supported in the recall. We were just outside of the 1 year warranty period with a broken laptop, the age-old story of a unlucky customer with a lemon product.

The laptop, however, was still functional for some purposes—albeit with broken networking and inadequate performance to play games. So we continued to use it for another eight months, dissatisfied, but without any feeling of recourse for repairing our machine.

Then, it stopped working. The computer wouldn’t even start up.

This new behavior upset me enough that again I went to Google, and found that my problem was very common, and that HP had extended their recall program, and it included my laptop! I called HP, and was (for the time being) very pleased at their process of recall and repair. This was March 2009, 1 year and 11 months after we purchased the laptop.

The laptop came back from repair, it started up and the wireless network was also repaired. We were pleased, and hopeful that finally we would get to use the laptop the way we had originally intended.

It was not to be.

Within two weeks, the laptop developed some problem with the display, and while it would start up, the display would be in a low resolution and covered by green squares or pink vertical stripes. I attempted to restore, recover, update, and otherwise repair the computer any way I could only to find that most of those options created errors or failures. Badly done, Vista and HP.

As life goes, other things occupied my time. As we were used to the laptop not working by now, we set it aside with a reminder to call HP and ask about repairs, but found life consumed by those more trivial pursuits—raising our children and beginning a new job. So, we waited to call HP.

Now, I have. 3 months, 2 weeks later. And now, technical support tells me I am “outside of the 90 day return window after a repair.”

Other interesting facts learned from “Vedecia”, my mostly-English-speaking tech support representative:

HP is aware that this video problem happens to some HP laptops 2-3 months after a repair.
HP acknowledges that the initial problem was a faulty motherboard, which causes other problems
HP doesn’t check for those other possible problems after they replace the Motherboard
To send the laptop in for repair, it will cost me around $400 (a third of the $1200 purchase price 2 years ago).
HP doesn’t have a customer service number I can contact to register a complaint with the quality of their product. (They do, but Vedecia, when asked three times if she was certain of this, was insistent there was not a number I could call.)

So, I procrastinated, yes. I fully admit that. And now, I am two-weeks beyond help from HP’s technical support, and the proud owner of an HP-Brand Genuine Electronic Doorstop.

I contacted HP about the possibility of some sort of trade-in, but it was too late to talk to a representative. I couldn’t find my model of laptop in the list on their Trade-In site, but a similar model is offered around $150 trade-in value. I believe I can sell the RAM on eBay for more than that.

Summary:

HP, I am disappointed in this product. I was expecting the quality and service I was used to in your equipment I’ve used at work, but I find your support for home notebooks to be of poor quality. We need a laptop, though. And as it stands currently, we are not interested in offering more money to HP.

I will also be encouraging my friends and family to stay clear of your computers for personal use.

I am sincerely sorry that my experience with HP home products has been poor.

-- Randy Varnell

Heading Out of the Door

2009-06-16T20:25:00.001-05:00

I seem to be standing still while everyone and everything around me is moving forward. It happens periodically. I’m in the middle. I’m in the middle of my life now and things are happening all around me. I’m the designated “well done” girl, patting everyone else on the back and congratulating them for crossing over into territories yet uncharted. Friends get married and have babies. Kids that just yesterday were in kindergarten are now graduating. Parents retire.

My own daughter is moving out of elementary school and into middle school. She’ll be a 6th grader. In the 6th grade. Along with 7th and 8th graders. My head spins at the thought of that. I already want to get in a pre-punch-in-the-face to every boy that will be within a 10-mile radius of her just to let them know what’s up.

My son could probably already start his own computer software company. It would have a skate ramp built into his office space, of course. If the past 10 years are any indication, I’ll blink and he’ll be married with kids and have 5 careers going on at once.

We said “good-bye” to our precious dog, Sydney, a couple of weeks back. He was 14-years-old and the decision to “send him on” came when he bit Randy on the finger (just when you think you know someone). We will miss Sydney, but not because he was such a great dog, which he was. The best you could ask for. Certainly, in the end, he drove us all insane with his whining, and biting, and wetting all over the place.

But it just makes this year so far…changed. Sydney was part of our family. He’s always been there, nearly as long as Randy and I have been married. Rachel and Graham don’t know life without him. Now my daughter is moving on into a world that I remember pretty well, and if memory serves we’re in for an amazing, albeit chaotic and frenzied, ride. And to add to our ever-changing pet situation, the kids discovered our 3-year-old gerbil, Squeaky, paws up the other day.

Sometimes I just want to yell “Stop! Everybody just slow down.”

I need to catch my breath. Grab my camera. Play one more game of fetch. Kiss one more face. Impart one more piece of advice. Say “I sure do love you” for the millionth time. Have one more meal at the table.

Before everyone heads out the door.

Aaand he's off!

2009-06-07T14:14:00.005-05:00

Randy left this morning for his first European trip to Belgium. His company is sending him there with a team to take pictures and visit the sites of famous battles during WWII. Of course this is a dream come true for him since he loves this part of history. He'll fly in to Frankfurt tomorrow morning, have a day off, then head to Belgium on Tuesday.

Please pray for him. He's one of the drivers and will be driving on the Autobahn. He's under strict instructions (by me) not to speak to anyone in the car as he is prone to get distracted.

Turning Double Digits

2009-05-18T10:13:00.004-05:00

I can't believe my baby is 10! He chose to go to Posado's for dinner. It was a really nice evening so we sat outside on the patio.

Randy got to the restaurant before us and asked if they could do something special for Graham's birthday without the loud and annoying singing. They brought him this!

Graham got a skateboard and Guitar Hero World Tour for his birthday. Although, I think Randy must have used his Jedi mind tricks to talk Graham into getting the Guitar Hero, because secretly it's what Randy really wants.

The following Saturday we took Graham and two of his good friends to Kobe Hibachi. We had so much fun!

Graham got to wear the goofy birthday hat.

After we ate we (and by "we" I mean "they") played laser tag. Randy learned a hard lesson about not stuffing yourself with fried rice, steak and chicken and then running wildly through a laser tag course trying to defend our kids from the teenagers. This is not them playing laser tag. It's just a cool picture of our chef firing up the grill.

Happy Birthday future scientist/game maker/proffesional skateboarder/rock band guitar player! You are loved more than you know.

Dinosaur World

2009-05-06T16:58:00.008-05:00

Rachel has been studying fossils in school (and she also made a perfect score on her math TAKS, holla!) so we decided to take a day trip to Glen Rose to see Dinosaur World. Did I mention she made a perfect score on her math TAKS? I'm just sayin'.

Here's Graham and Randy inside a dinosaur's mouth.

Here's Rachel running away from a dinosaur. I cannot remember any of the names of the different ones. It looks like a T-Rex, but really it's some sort of somethingasaurus.

This actually is a T-Rex. It's a little disconcerting, isn't it?

Those longnecks don't look a bit afraid. Big huh?

Here's Graham running.
After we walked the whole path and saw all the dinosaurs and sang the theme song to Jurassic Park until our kids ran away screaming, they got to dig for real fossils. Strategically hidden, of course.

After we finished seeing Dinosaur World, we went to the river nearby where you can see the real dinosaur footprints. It's actually really cool and there are a lot of footprints to see.

This is me realizing that it was a stupid idea to climb rocks with flip-flops on. Thanks for capturing that moment, Randy. Really.

Always a good sign that we had a good day.

My Darling Daughter

2009-04-23T17:58:00.003-05:00

Last year Rachel was one of 90 kids chosen out of 300 5th grade students in Plano to be in the Plano Children's Honor Choir. Here is a song from their final concert. Rachel is on the right in the alto section.

Pam's Birthday Party

2009-04-23T17:39:00.007-05:00

Pam, my very youthful looking sister, celebrated her 40th birthday last month. We had a really fun surprise party for her at Red, Hot and Blues.

Our good friend, Christi, came all the way from Massachusettes! She came to visit her family too.

Here's the rest of the gang.

The kid's table. The word "ham" being half of Graham's name- coincidence? I think not.

Happy Birthday, Pam!

Fashion Disaster

2009-04-09T11:10:00.003-05:00

Today is Fashion Disaster Day at school. I think I've stopped Graham from going out of the door in this outfit before. I kind of like Rachel's outfit, though. She looks like she stepped out of a Cyndi Lauper video.

Lessons from Unemployment: Part 1

2009-03-25T16:19:00.004-05:00

So, I know in writing you’re supposed to leave the suspense to the end, and build up and all…but I’ll spoil the ending now: I got a job! In fact, I got a great job. Next week, I’ll be going to Gearbox—a game development company in Plano, TX—to take the position as Producer for one of their games. I’m not sure how I keep landing these dream jobs, but for the sake of this article, let’s say “God is good” and leave it at that for the moment.

What I want to ponder about today is the last two months. Unemployment.

I never had a job in high school or college, other than some light summer internships at churches. I’m not that guy who squeezed every penny out of childhood, making a killing by cornering the lemonade market on my block. I guess I’ve always been fortunate in life, blessed with the ability to follow my whims (and they are many) as I’ve forged myself into this modern-Bohemian-renaissance-man.

But in my adult life, from the moment I left college, I’ve worked. From selling pianos to writing documentation to designing design software to making games—I’ve always worked.

Except for that brief two weeks in 2004, when Ensemble Studios jettisoned it’s QA department overage.

And now. Two months.

Two months without a job teaches you a lot of stuff. Mostly, it teaches you that having a steady stream of money is nice if you want frivolous things…like food and electricity. But it also reveals a lot about yourself.

Over the next few days, I want to drop a few blog posts here with some of my self-reflecting.

First, my blogging will make Carrie happy. She’s been asking me to write more while I’ve “had the time”, and now as my “the time” runs short, I want to fulfill her request.

Second, I know a lot of folks who have also been here with me. Some, simply by following my plight on the interweb, and chiming in with prayers and support. (Thank you, by the way.) Others are with me in the trenches—without work and, subsequently, fingernails.

Maybe, you will find some of what I write encouraging. Probably, you will learn some things about me. Ideally, you will also gain some perspective into how God works, at least from my viewpoint.

UNEMPLOYMENT LESSON 1: God works on a bigger scale than “bill” or “paycheck”.

To say “God provides for your needs” is cliché, but scriptural. It’s also a misunderstanding of the depth of an unlimited creator. God can indeed be a token dispenser, letting a pellet drop down the chute on request. In all our modern complexification of God, don’t discount this simplest of acts on His behalf. I think every parent find simple joy in occasionally being the “dispenser”; taking a moment to give something to your kids in response to their request. God does that too. Sometimes. It’s cool when He does.

But God does SO much more than dispense packages of goodness.

I started unemployment in mid-January with two-weeks’ severance, and a hopeful mis-expectation that I could be working again in that two-week period. I won’t belabor you with details of bad economy, high jobless rates, and such. You know about all that. Just take a moment to do the simple math with me: two weeks does NOT equal two months. I had no known source of income for well over a month of that time. Yet here on the threshold of dream job number three, our family is still eating meat and watching YouTube.

What miracle did God use to cover the gap?

Mana from heaven? Nope.

Mysterious envelopes of cash? Negative.

Lottery-like benevolence? Not on your life.

Kind parents sharing some of their blessing (earned by a lifetime of faith and obedience) helped some. An additional and unexpected two-weeks’ severance from my previous employer, MumboJumbo, helped as well. Taking some initiative to submit our tax refund earlier covered a few weeks. Adjusting and simplifying our family lifestyle minimized bad spending habits. Talking to our mortgage company and asking for some leniency (after eight years of not missing any payments) also made some room.

Then there was a little gig here, and a free dinner there. Small, un-dramatic, practical actions. All chained together.

See, there wasn’t this moment where the Hallelujah Chorus played and we knew everything was going to be okay. We also didn’t spend time locked in a prayer closet, making our requests known while leaving it to the angels to fly down and do the heavy-lifting part (like digging up gold bricks from our back yard. Which would be cool. Don’t get me wrong.).

God is fully equipped and capable of sea-parting miraculousness. He’s done it before and I’m sure He will do it again. But I think the way God loves to work is far less like an award-winning director and far more like an agricultural scientist. Less Ford Coppola and more Washington Carver. God can use the spectacle. I mean…He’s God. The act of scratching His own chin would be spectacular with Him even trying!

But take a good look at the way God works. He took seven days for creation, rather than just saying “BAM!” and have it all appear (which He certainly could have done. Let’s call this the Big BAM hypothesis, for reference.) God didn’t need the leadership skills of Moses’ to get the Hebrews out of Egypt, He could have simply sent down an army of fiery chariots. Or instantly trans-located the Hebrews to Colorado. God didn’t have to use Noah and a flood to remove the wicked from the earth; He could have just pushed a big cosmic “Undo” button. Delete the mistake. Erase the tape. Bleach the stain. He’s God, after all.

In fact, did God even have to send Jesus to die for us in order to save us? No. He could have found a much easier and cleaner way to accomplish that too, rather than go through all the mess of being born, having to make friends, having to deal with surly apostles, and then being brutally murdered by the people He was trying to help.

The problem is, we spend so much energy asking how God did these things that we forget to ask why God did things the way He did. Why does God take his time, when, as God, He doesn’t have to?

I don’t know.

But here’s my guess. God loves us. He wants us to love Him, too. Love is not something that is wrapped up in a box with a ribbon and given to you once to have and to hold. Love is a carefully cultivated garden, won equally through the hardships of weeding and the celebration of flowers in the early bright days of summer. Like a couple married for fifty years or Brothers in Arms.

Love isn’t given once; it’s shared over time. We are temporal, time-bound people. By tomorrow, we will have forgotten the gifts given to us today.

So…God spends less effort on the cheap gifts, like bailouts and lotteries. His time—His love—is focused on things that are far more lasting: carefully pruned relationships with his children. Daily reminders of His love, His provision, and His desire to partner with us in life.

God didn’t give me a job in two weeks from when I was laid off. Though, I started off asking for that very thing in my prayers.

God didn’t respond to my season of difficulty by sending the cavalry and carrying me off to safety, without woe or worry.

God didn’t rain down mysterious blessings from Heaven.

God didn’t swoop in and dramatically save me from unemployment.

It took time. It took the work of my family. It required a patient partnership with a God who could have—but chose not to—instantly given me the Answer Pill.

But that makes Him no less my Savior.

To tell the truth, the last two months were even less dramatic than my writing here makes them seem. Most days were occupied with activities as banal as waking up, checking a job list, sending an email or two, and then finding ways to fill the empty minutes.

But I know God was with me. God moved the big pieces around, while prompting me to accomplish edicts of His Will as grand as getting my car inspected. God interceded in my two months, not with a burning bush but with quiet sustained provision.

Did my faith grow at all these two months as I watched the unfolding of a flower while I desired the explosion of a firework?

That’s the great thing about growth.

Even if I answered “no” to that last question…

…it’s still growing.

Ode to Extra Hour

2009-03-08T22:12:00.003-05:00

Dear Extra Hour,

Why do you have to leave me so soon? Who is it that makes you go away? Do they not know of our love? Why must they tear us apart? And why must they take you away on a Sunday morning? It's not near as cute when I fall asleep in church as when my children do.

We've had some wonderful times together, Extra Hour. I remember the first day you came last year in November. I was so sad that I had to wait even longer for you to come, but when you finally arrived it was wonderful! And now I am stuck with an hour at the end of the day that just makes the sun shine longer and the weather hotter... and less excuses for yard work not being done.

I will count the days until you return to me, Extra Hour! You will be sorely missed!

Affectionately yours,
Sleepyhead (aka Carrie)

On Patience

2009-02-16T18:25:00.004-06:00

So we have found ourselves in a very common group these past few weeks- unemployed. Well...Randy...not me so much.

About 4 weeks ago Randy called home to tell me that his job was getting cut. I was fine with that thinking he'd have another job within at least a week. At first I thought, "hey, we can get through this!" God has us right where He wants us and is going to take care of us.

Now 4 weeks later we're starting to get a little stir crazy. He has 4 recruiters working for him and a few dozen resumes out there. It gets a little tense at times. Last week we started to get a little stressed. We were getting to the end of our severance and hadn't had so much as an inquiry about a job.

Then came Friday. I got up to start our day and checked my email. I get an alert from our bank daily about deposits and there happened to be one from Randy's former employer. I thought it was a mistake, but Randy emailed and confirmed that we had one more paycheck. Our tax refund came through on the same day. Randy got emailed and called about 3 different job offers. I went to pay some bills and realized that I was a month ahead on everything.

All 4 of us have been reading a chapter from Proverbs a day and I also add that day's Psalm. This is what it said on the 13th (chapter 13 vs. 5-6 from The Message):

I've thrown myself headlong into your arms
I'm celebrating your rescue.
I'm singing at the top of my lungs, I'm so full of answered prayers.

Yesterday in our worship time, the pastor had a special time of prayer for all of those who are jobless. There were bracelets with names on them at the alter and you were encouraged to go get a bracelet so you could remember to pray for that person. We attend about a 2,000 member church and the alter was covered with hundreds of bracelets. I was floored.

Thanks to everyone who has been praying and especially our parents for their support and encouragement. We'll keep you updated!

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!

Counting My Blessings

2009-01-26T10:51:00.003-06:00

3- how many times we’ve taken Rachel to the doctor in the last two weeks.
2- how many things Rachel has been diagnosed with- Strep and Mono.
4- how many days my mom got to come and spend with us last weekend. It was so great! I wish she could have stayed for the whole week!
11- the number of days Randy has been without a job. He’s got a lot of good leads so keep praying!
100- the grade Rachel made on her science fair project! Thanks, Daddy!
1- the number of rancid smells coming from Graham’s bedroom.
3- the number of cups half full of milk I found in Graham’s bedroom.
40- how many degrees it dropped today.
48- the number of days until Spring Break. Graham’s counting.
15- how many years it’s been since Randy proposed to me. Here's to 15 more!

So Long '08

2009-01-08T19:42:00.004-06:00

Conversation With a 9 Yr-Old

2008-12-18T11:32:00.003-06:00

Here's Graham and me killing time. Notice the perpetual dirty fingernails. I honestly don't know how he does it.

It's Beginning To Look a Lot Like Christmas

2008-12-16T09:43:00.005-06:00

I love Christmas! I admit it. I love everything that goes with it. Well, except for people getting trampled in stores. That part stinks. But I've been in the Christmas spirit since about October because I've been getting Christmas scripts ready for the website I manage (http://www.skitguys.com/). It's just easier to do that with Christmas music playing in the background.

Anyway, here are some of the fun stuff we've been doing this season.

Here we are at the mall in the food court after Rachel's choir concert.

Here's Rachel's honor choir that she's in. They did such a great job!

We are really lucky because our city's Christmas parade is right down the street from us. This is Christmas Texas style with a Cowboy Church. I love Cowboy Churches. The people are so great.

This is our Christmas tree. Well...one of them.

Here's Rachel and Graham with their buddy and our neighbor Sammy...oh sorry, Samuel...at the Christmas parade.

Our church does an outreach every year called "Three Trees". We had about 350 families come through and receive gifts for the children. I don't think I've ever said "Feliz Navidad" so much in my life. It was great!

This is the family we got to host during Three Trees, Jose and his mother Rosa. Rosa did not speak an ounce of English, but thank goodness Jose did. Rosa was hilarious, though.

Our Dog Rosie

2008-12-11T15:51:00.003-06:00

We've had Rosie for about 5 years now and she is some of the best entertainment we've ever invested in. She just oozes personality with her little tail wagging and her smile. Yes, she smiles. It's not pretty, but it's really sweet.

We came home from church on Sunday and let her out in the backyard. Just a few minutes later we got a call from the neighbor saying he thought he saw Rosie and it looked like she almost got hit by a car. We ran out to the front of our house and sure enough, there came Rosie limping up the front walk. Her back left leg was dangling and I knew she probably broke it. We decided it was best to get her to an animal hospital.

It was worse than I could have imagined. She broke it in three places and needed surgery fairly soon. The doctor said that there was a good chance that she would lose her tail. I was devastated because that's just about my favorite part about her. However, she came through it all just fine, but has to remain still for the next 10 weeks and has to wear this cone for the next two until her stitches come out. She got to keep her tail too!

We wrestled with what we should do because surgery is not cheap. But Randy told me from the beginning that we were going to be fine and this was the right thing to do. He sent me the Proverbs for today, chapter 11 verse 10 says "a righteous man cares for the needs of his animal, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel."

From Rachel

2008-11-25T11:27:00.000-06:00

Thanksgiving

Hi I’m Rachel (Carrie & Randy’s daughter.) You’ve probably heard a lot of stories of me from my mom. Yes all those stories are true about me, but I don’t like to go around saying did you know that I’m the president? That’s something I’m thankful for though. I know God gave me all these gifts and I’m very happy he did too!

As you know next week is Thanksgiving, and for my family we’re going to My Nene & Papa’s house (grandparents) also on Tuesday at school we have Colonial day for the 5th graders. So For that day the 5th graders dress up as pilgrims/puritans, but that’s not all after recess/lunch (about 12:30) fr the rest of the day we get to do all sorts of things like make candles, quilting, making applesauce, I think even making jam! At my Nene & Papa’s house Graham and I finally get to go down to the pond all by ourselves! We built a fort last time we were there at thanksgiving.

Most of all I’m thankful for God, my parents, my friends (especially Shelby, hoping she will get better from the whooping cough), and things I have been given or blessed with.

What are you thankful for?

I Can Die Happy Now

2008-11-20T15:06:00.006-06:00

There are moments in my life that I'm convinced that God looks over at the angels, grins and says "hey watch this".

Randy and I have had tickets to see Coldplay at American Airlines Center in Dallas since last June. The second they went on sale I bought them. Last night was the big night and we were so excited. However, I must have been due to be rear-ended in rush hour traffic because it had been a while since the last time. But of all nights for it to happen, this couldn't be worse. I was terrified I was going to miss the concert. Fortunately, the car drove fine after I exchanged information with the 19 year-old kid (who wasn't paying attention).

We made it in plenty of time to wish that the opening artist was on his last song and that Coldplay would take the stage. I sat there in my seat, wishing I was closer to the stage and being a little jealous of all the radio contest winners who were on the front row. It was as if God thunked me on the head and I realized I should really just be thankful that I was there in the first place.

The concert finally started and it was amazing. We kept reading reviews that if you were going to see a concert, this would be the one to see. And boy was it. They were amazing.

About half way through I turned around and noticed that about three rows behind us and a little to the left, there was a microphone and three guitar stands set up. I turned around to Randy and said "no way!" Sure enough after a couple more songs, they came down the ramp and up the stairs and this is what we got.

I pretty much wept. We couldn't believe it! Out of all the thousands and thousands of people there and all of the hundreds of places they could have gone in the stadium, they stood right behind us. Randy is convinced that Chris Martin was looking at him. They sang "The Scientist" and a couple of other songs. It was the most unbelievable thing and I barely slept all night.

This Will Ruin Your Day

2008-11-13T17:31:00.001-06:00

So don't look! You won't get anything done.

Cute Puppies!

Things You Might Not Know

2008-11-11T17:28:00.005-06:00

My friend Michele had this up on her blog and it looked like fun, so I stole this from her. Thanks, Michele!

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Yes, I was named after my mom’s grandmother.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Oh, it was probably in church last Sunday after Randy had just done a lesson on prophecy and how it’s really impossible that Jesus not be God’s son, then we sang “You Are God Alone” in worship. Got me choked up.
DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Nope.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Turkey.
DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Yes! I have three- I’m just married to one of ‘em.
IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I don’t really know. I think I’m too weird. I try to be a good friend, but I'm really bad about calling people back. I don't like to talk on the phone, I'd rather talk over a piece of cake.
DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
No, not really.
DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes.
WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Oh my, no.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
This is like asking me which of my children I like the most! If I had to choose it’d be Cocoa Puffs. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
If I’m wearing shoes that have shoestrings, then yes.
DO YOU THINK YOU’RE STRONG?
I think I can be. It depends on the situation. Although when I’m at my fitness class, I am humbly reminded just how very weak I am.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
I love, love the Peanut Butter Lover’s at Cold Stone. In fact, that sounds really good. I may have that for dinner.
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Clothes. That’s’ really superficial, I know.
RED OR PINK?
Pink
WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I’m not very well-spoken. I say the dumbest things. When I saw my friend that’s in my fitness class at Bible Study the other night I told her it’s weird seeing her with her clothes on. Of course, everyone turned around to stare and I had to explain. Sheesh. My friend Melinda taught me a phrase when we went to Mexico that I still use today: Yo estoy idiota.
WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
I have on blue jeans and no shoes.
WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
I ate these little graham crackers called Bug Bites. They’re really good. I love graham crackers. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Coldplay
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Purple
FAVORITE SMELLS?
Coffee- I can’t stand the taste, but when I was a kid my mom would have me fill her cup in the morning and it makes me think of that.
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Eddie James
FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
My son play soccer. He is soooo fast and a joy to watch.
HAIR COLOR?
Blonde, although I have a little help.
EYE COLOR?
blue
DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No, I can’t stand things poking at my eyeballs. I’d rather get a shot than go to the eye doctor. FAVORITE FOOD?
I’d have to say pasta. I could honestly eat it everyday.
SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS
Happy endings. I hate scary movies.
LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Pam and I took Rachel to see HSM3. We just watched Kung Foo Panda on video too.
SUMMER OR WINTER?
Winter
FAVORITE DESSERT?
cake- any kind of cake, although birthday cake is my favorite cake
WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
I’m having trouble settling on one. I really, really tried to read Sense and Sensibility but just couldn’t do it (sorry Stacey!).
WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Nothing. It’s just blue.
WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LATE LAST NIGHT?
We watched Chuck and then we watched Kung Foo Panda.
FAVORITE SOUND
My kids belly laughing at each other.
My husband saying “I’ll do the dishes”
My kids saying “yes ma’am”
ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Oooh Beatles. I am in love with the movie Across the Universe right now.
WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
I’m not sure. We went to see our friends Scott and Michele in Seattle, but we’ve also been to Cancun. Not sure which is farther.
WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
North Little Rock, AR

No Matter Where You Roam...

2008-10-23T08:07:00.002-05:00

Randy has been working like crazy lately. The company he works for has been in “crunch” mode. That’s when you have a deadline and you stay at the office until it’s finished, pretty much. So the last two weeks he’s worked 10am to midnight and sometimes even later.

Now he and I sat down a couple of months ago and talked all this out. He knew this was probably coming, but we can do anything for 2 months.

We were travelling along just fine. Randy was free on the weekends so we made sure we maximized our time. The last three weekends, however, he’s had to go into work. This last weekend he practically lived there.

The deadline was this past Monday, so for better or for worse, the product was shipped. Randy was free to take the rest of this week off, so I’ve had him home all this week. He’s gotten to go to the dentist and even get a haircut!

We went to the kids’ school yesterday to eat lunch with them. They have back to back lunches, so they each had a turn with mom and dad. I ran into Graham’s teacher on the way out and we discussed his “signature” that he received for not turning in his homework. She said that Tuesday he didn’t bring his math book back to school so she had assigned him 5 extra pages of work (I know, Pam).

She also told me that Graham melted into a pile of tears right there in the middle of class. In front of soccer buddies and cute little girl that sits next to him that he’s had a bit of a crush on and everything. He cried and said, “But my dad is home! If I have to do all this work I won’t get to play with him!” The teacher felt bad for him and let him off…this time.

Part of me is thinking “well played young Jedi, well played”. But the look on his face when he gets home and his dad is there has been priceless. He runs in the house and whooshes past me with a “hi-mom-where’s-Dad-is-he-still-here-can-you-get-me-a-snack?”

Randy and I always try to make sure that when we’re with our kids, we’re with our kids. I’m so grateful that I have a family that loves to be together…that needs to be together. My prayer is that I always have a home that they can’t wait to get back to. My mom had a sign in our house when I was growing up that said "No matter where you may roam, the best part is coming home."

Graham was sitting on the couch with me the other day and wouldn’t stop hugging and kissing on me. He’s a lovin’ kid and sometimes it gets to be a little much. He wouldn’t detach from me so finally I had to say “okay, that’s enough.” He very wisely got in my face and said “enjoy it now, Mom, this isn’t going to last forever.”

I know. I know all to well.

Rachel's Birthday Week

2008-09-29T19:02:00.011-05:00

So it couldn't have been a better week and weekend for Miss Rachel. She won Student Council President, got a lead role in her musical at church, and this morning I found out that she was chosen as "Student of the Month" by her teachers.

On top of all that, Tuesday is her 11th birthday. Pam and I took her to The Galleria to get her ears pierced. It was a huge deal. She was so nervous!

But she did it!

After that, we went to The American Girl Store where we found out that you can have your doll's ears pierced too! Fortunately, Rachel brought her "Just Like Me" AG doll (a doll that you order to have your features).

We had a snack in the AG Bistro. I think Aunt Pam likes American Girl more than anybody.

Happy Birthday Rachel!

If McCain Would Only Wear the Hat!

2008-09-24T15:19:00.005-05:00

Now I have to brag on my girl.

Rachel ran for Student Council President this year. It was a tough campaign. Her platform was opposing socialized healthcare and pushing for offshore drilling. I'm just kidding. Really it was to have pajama day at school in a warmer month. Here is her speech!

She won! How can you not win with that hat? She also auditioned for the kids musical at church and got a lead role! We have one more audition coming up tomorrow for Plano Children's Choir. We'll see if she can do a three-peat.

Can you peak in the 5th grade?

Graham vs. The Titan

2008-09-08T10:26:00.003-05:00

I have to brag on my boy.

We decided that this year we'd get season passes to Six Flags. We (Randy, Rachel, Pam and I) love riding roller coasters and thought it'd be great to go whenever we wanted to ride. Graham, however, was on the "I-don't-think-that's-such-a-great-idea" side. To his credit, if you take one look at our favorite coaster- The Titan- it's pretty intimidating.

We were at Six Flags yesterday and all but begged him to try the Titan at least one time (okay we did beg). It took some convincing, but after lots and lots of encouragement (and $7 between Pam and me) he finally decided to do it. That kid will do anything for a buck.

He rode with me the first time and I have to say I was a little nervous for him. Whereas the bar fits snugly to my lap, there was lots of room between him and his bar. I kept a big smile on my face and chanted in my head all the way up the first hill "science says he stays in, science says he stays in".

The first drop is always a doozy and I think it kind of knocked the breath out of him, but by the third drop he was yelling at the top of his lungs "this is awesome, this is awesome"! He rode 3 more times and can't wait to get back on it.

There's nothing like a 25 and a half story drop and 85mph spirals (Mommy blacks out a little) to bring a family together.

Back to School

2008-08-25T10:06:00.003-05:00

First day. New backpacks, new outfits, new pencils, new outlooks. Fresh haircuts, milk money and a whole list of things mom forgot to get for this very important day. First time parents dropping off their kindergartners wiping away tears with video cameras glued to their eye sockets. I laugh quietly as the fathers in their business suits drag away the moms as she's waving "bye bye" to her little precious one. The little precious one is literally rolling his eyes and waving "bye bye" over his shoulder as he spots a soccer buddy. Good luck finding a parking space, because this is the one day that most parents walk into the classroom with their child.

Anticipation. Excitement. All kinds of activities to do. But then that's just me. I think I may have hurt some feelings this morning with how over-the-top chipper I was. I have been waiting for this day for the past month. A whole month filled with "I'm bored" "she hit me" "it's too hot" "I'm hungry" "I'm bored". I piled my kids in the car and dropped them off at the front door of the school wishing them well and trying to embarass them as much as possible yelling out "I love you!" and "Make good choices!" They run.

There are two different parents- the good ones that make this day a special one for their child and walk them into their classes and make sure they find their lockers and desks okay. And then there's us- the vets- the ones doing the happy dance in our cars as we barely hit the brakes to let the kids out.

The ones with days already planned of projects we didn't get to all summer and lunches with friends we haven't seen for weeks. The ones snickering at those other parents... because it wasn't long ago that we were wiping away tears and sending them off to another day of firsts.

Happy first day of school Rachel and Graham.

Originally posted 8-07.

It's For Real!

2008-07-07T22:21:00.007-05:00

After several months of planning and praying and having such good intentions, Skitzy Chicks finally has a website... and a checking account! Randy says, though, that it'll be more real-er when there's money in that account.

http://www.skitzychicks.com/

Be sure to bookmark us and tell your churches about us!

Rachel's Recital

2008-05-27T16:17:00.003-05:00

Rachel had her piano recital last week. This is a short clip of her performance.

He Makes Me Play With Sticks

2008-04-08T11:56:00.002-05:00

My son likes sticks. Sometimes I get worried that computer and video games are sucking out his imagination and he’s going to be void of any sort of creativity. But give the boy a stick and you’ve given him the world.

Sticks to him are an afternoon of slaying dragons or defending his territory from ninjas. Nana’s house has the best sticks according to him. He refuses to take any swords to her house…’cause her yard’s got great sticks. Just the other day I went to pick him up from school, only to see him halfway home rounding a corner on the sidewalk. Not running. Not walking. But gallivanting. Horseback style. With a stick. He was saving the world from something, I’m sure.

Another time I stepped out onto our front porch to watch for him coming home from school. This was a day after my husband had spent the whole day before picking up sticks in our front yard and breaking them into little pieces and stuffing them in a leaf bag. I finally saw Graham in the distance. Not with a stick- but a large tree branch. About three times his size. It took a feat of strength just to drag it down the sidewalk. He left a trail of small twigs and leaves as he walked. He was determined. His expression was deep in thought as he prioritized his plans for his new treasure. I couldn’t help but laugh.

Once he reached the house I told him that it would be in his best interest to go take it back to where it came from before his dad got home. His face fell and he let out a huge sigh not only because he really wanted the stick/small tree, but because this thing was so massive that it really needed about three more of him to get it back to it’s origins. I saw the light and his plans for world domination fade from his eyes and told him that if he and his friend would make sure that it ended up on our curb with the other leaf bags by the time they had to come inside, they could keep it for the rest of the afternoon. Victory!

Such a simple thing. A stick. They’re everywhere and always accessible. It could be used for anything, but usually it’s a sword. When someone asks me what Graham’s into, they usually expect me to answer “Lego’s” or “dinosaurs” or “Pokemon”. Nope. Sticks.

Now I should qualify all of this brilliant creativity with the fact that he’s grounded. Indefinitely. Graham has some self-control issues at school (talking-he’d describe it as fellowshipping) and so we’ve had to take away his computer and video game privileges.

There’s a routine that follows after a grounding. We go through a couple of days of “what can I do?” and “I’m bored”. They quickly learn not to ask these questions because the answer always involves hard labor. I double-dog-dare them to ask me. Once they’ve realized that they’re going to have to fend for themselves and come up with something to do, the things they come up with are inspiring.

I started thinking that my most creative moments happen that way too. When I’ve taken away all distractions and have checked off everything in my brain that needs to be done I begin to start thinking about one simple thing. That usually leads to something bigger and before I know it I’ve written our church’s whole Christmas pageant! All of this typically happens in my car on long drives. I have nothing else to do but keep myself company.

I was reading the 23rd Psalm. Randy’s hooked me on looking up original Greek and Hebrew, so there was one word that really intrigued me. I have a New Century Version that says something completely different than every other translation and it changed the whole concept. I looked up the word and confirmed what the majority of translations say.

It’s the word “make” from Psalm 23:2- “He makes me lie down in green pastures”. I think that sometimes I get so caught up in everything that I’m supposed to do that sometimes God presses His hand on my back and causes me to lie down and enjoy His beauty. To get back to basics. To sit and be simple.

I love that about God. It’s like when my kids were babies and I put them down to sleep and they didn’t want to go to sleep. I knew they were tired, but they would protest the whole time, especially Rachel. My mom would take Rachel as a baby and hold her tight and cover her up with her blanket. She’d get right in her ear and while Rachel would be screaming at the top of her lungs mom would rock her as she sang “Jesus Loves Me”. Eventually Rachel would succumb and fall asleep. Worked every time.

He makes me lie down.

He leads me beside still waters.

God wants to bless me, sometimes against my own volition. Once I realize that what He’s doing for me is good, I wonder why I ever resisted in the first place. I get to experience Him and He feeds me His word.

And then, I get to share it with others.

I Like Mike

2008-02-14T00:26:00.009-06:00

I'm faced with a bit of a dilemma this political season. For the last three or four years, I've found myself growing less and less interested in politics. Routinely, I waiver somewhere between all-consuming indifference and self-righteous fury; tossed from media circus to media circus, buoyed by self-proclaimed citadels of truth and right-ness. I've watched entertainers become reporters, reporters become entertainers, and nice old women become fearsome mud-slingers as they openly slander their politically disliked, portraying the opposition party with horns and glowing eyes in gleefully emailed photos.

Yes, grandma. You got it just right. They're the devil.

Strangely, though, this all brings me to the issue of Mike.

The entity known as "they" says that it's easy to be apathetic about an issue until it affects you directly. There's a lot of truth there. I didn't care about my garbage until our collectors missed a week, and suddenly I was out of space for smelly trash. I didn't care about toll roads until I had to pay $7 per day for the privilege of driving to and from work. And I didn't care about Brittany Spears until...well...I still don't.

I'm starting to care about politics again, though.

And it's all Mike's fault. Mike Huckabee, that is.

Now, before you get all uptight thinking I'm about to write some gushy email about how Mike is the Savior of Mankind and that he's some kind of Moses among politicians...don't worry. I'm not. Nor am I about to list or debate his various political views. He has them. Some I like. Some I don't. Just like every other token in the political Pog match.

What I would like to share are some fond memories of the times I spent with Mike and his family.

Somewhere around the time I was eight or nine, Mike became pastor of our church in Pine Bluff, Arkansas. My parents always comment that he was young for the time (mid-twenties and newly married I believe) but from my perspective, Mike has always been the same age; that vague "older than me" category reserved for people who aren't your playmates, but aren't your parents either. For whatever reason, Mike and Janet became close friends with my parents, and while he was pastor of our church, their family and ours spent a number of evenings eating sandwiches and chatting about stuff. We vacationed several times with the Huckabees, and I even lived with and worked for Mike one summer in Texarkana.

The last experience I had directly with Mike was when he performed the wedding for mme and my wife. He was Lieutenant Governor of Arkansas at the time. Given Mike's political and religious credentials, I think we're about as married as any couple could be!

Here are some other scenes and impressions that stick out from a couple of decades of knowing Mike Huckabee. Some are mine. Some are family legend. All are Mike.

~--==========--~

Varnell / Huckabee vacations were always at Bull Shoals lake in Northern Arkansas. We would rent cabins and spend a week together fishing, swimming, skiing and cooking out. I'll never forget Trivial Pursuit, though. I was about eleven when I developed the distinct impression that Mike was the smartest person I would ever meet.

On those vacations, my dad and Mike would team up against Janet and my mom at Trivial Pursuit. I was a cocky little nerd, so I insinuated myself into the women's team to help give them what little boost I could. Mostly, I answered easy science questions. Mike was unmatchable at trivia, though. I'm not sure where he picked up that headful of facts, but we simply couldn't beat him at the game. While my dad, the professional engineer, would occasionally jump in with a science fact or two, Mike ruled the board, easily answering questions about history, culture, sports, news...you name it!

One of the many times Mike cruised his full pie to the center square, mom, Janet and I pored over the questions to pick one we thought Mike couldn't answer. Brown (Literature) was always my favorite to try and snag him, and my heart raced with excitement as I found a question I was sure would stump even Mike. "What famous work was penned by Harriet Beecher Stowe?" It took less than a second for my hopes to be crushed by Mikes sing-songy answer: "Uncle Tom's Cabin!"

I can still hear his voice in my head. (Mike, I never missed that question on a history test!)

~--==========--~

One of those trips, I saw a protective side of Mike. We were coming in from fishing when his son David--probably only six or seven--fell off the boat dock into the lake. Before I could turn around and raise my voice, Mike had jumped in the lake with David and was pulling him out. It didn't matter that Mike wasn't dressed for swimming, that he soaked his wallet, or that he mussed his hair. Mike saw his son in danger and he acted quickly and decisively to help.

~--==========--~

I remember Mike as a brilliant speaker. As my pastor, I heard him every Sunday, 52 times a year, for five or six years. Mike never got old, though. I can name dozens or hundreds of other teachers, speakers and professors whom I have measured by Mike's standard. None of them measure up to his wit and raw oratory. I have a stack of spiral notebooks full of things Mike said I thought worth remembering as I grew up. In contrast, I think I might be able to recall one or two pithy expressions from the last three presidents. If I try really hard. And use Google.

~--==========--~

One remarkable thing about Mike: when he was with you he was WITH you. Have you ever waited in line to shake hands with a celebrity or to meet someone at a wedding or party, and while they're shaking your hand they look over your shoulder to see if someone more important was behind you? Well, Mike doesn't do that. You watch any video or see any photo of Mike interacting with people and you'll notice two things: he smiles warmly and often, and his eyes are always focused on the person with whom he is interacting.

With Mike, it doesn't matter if your four or one-hundred-and-four; if you're John Grisham or John Doe. When Mike talks to you, he talks TO you. Mike loves people, and you always feel like you're one of his favorites when you speak with him. With Mike, you and your moment are the most important thing he has going on.

~--==========--~

I remember his drum kit. It was in the living room of his home in Texarkana, not far from the old spinet piano he had. The summer I lived with Mike and Janet, I would often sit down at the piano after dinner and play a bit. If Mike heard me playing, he would almost always wander in from another room and join in. I wasn't very good at playing with other musicians at the time--twelve years of Beethoven hadn't prepared me for a blues jam. But Mike's enthusiasm was infectious. Every couple of days we'd play together for half-an-hour or more, Mike calling suggestions for songs and encouraging me as I struggled to do something musical with him.

~--==========--~

Mike's kids were something else. I hear John Mark, David, and Sarah are all grown up now. I've seen pictures, even. In my head, those three will always be somewhere between six and twelve. Mike's kids were...energetic, to put it lightly. With two children of my own now, I can better appreciate how difficult it is to be a public leader when your children are constantly viyying for your undivided attention. However, through all those odd events and kid-initiated mini-catastrophes, I remember Mike as a firm and gentle father, correcting the kids sternly and logically when they were out of line, but also having fun with them as 'dad'.

There was a small pool in their backyard, and Mike loved to swim with his family, splashing and playing until the warm Arkanasas sun faded below the treeline and we would all go in to eat homemade ice cream and drink Diet Pepsi. I'll never quite understand the Diet Pepsi part, Mike. After all, this is the south, where all drinks are Coke.

~--==========--~

Warmth and sincerity, though, is what I' will always remember most about Mike. Of all the mental pictures in my head of Mike Huckabee, the image that remains most vividly is Mike with bright eyes and a broad smile accented by that deep dimple on his right cheek. I can't remember many frowns from Mike. I can remember his passion, and occasional sternness. I can hear that lilt in his rich voice, as if he were just about to reveal a witty punch line of some great joke; a chuckle in his throat and a wink in his eye that drew you into his confidence. I like Mike's smiles.

~--==========--~

I don't know where Mike is going, in the long run. And sure, if he's elected to some office in Washington, I'm pretty sure I'll play a "remember me" card and see if I can squeeze into his calendar. I'm not sure if Mike has all the answers for America. I don't know if he's got the right solutions for border control, war, or taxes. These days, I'm cynical enough to think that no politician will be able to affect any change for our country as long as we're a nation of prejudiced, spoiled whiners consumed by one-issue stances and a love affair with labeling each other.

But I can say this...

I like Mike.

Always have. Always will.

And nothing anyone can say will change that.

Cowboys Pictures

2007-12-30T18:16:00.000-06:00

Go Cowboys!

2007-12-30T17:37:00.000-06:00

Sonny, Randy's dad, was hunting with a friend a few weeks ago and mentioned how he'd always wanted to go to a Cowboy's game. The friend whipped out his cell phone and called his friend, Jerry, and within minutes had 4 tickets and a parking pass to the next game against the Philadelphia Eagles.

Unfortunately because of health reasons, Sonny and Corienne were not able to go, so we asked two of our good friends Stan and Eric to go with us. We sat on the 20 yard line on the the 3rd row...right behind the Cowboy's...in the same section with their families.

Now Randy and I are not huge football fans and I couldn't help but think the whole time that we so did not deserve to be there, but we were all beside ourselves. It was overwhelming and so...big.

Stan drove us there in his big Ford SUV and did a very fine job. He is quite an aggressive driver, but I will say that everything he did was legal. He saved us a lot of time.

We lost the game, but we didn't really care. I don't think anybody else cared either, because it seemed like everyone else was just so happy to be there. There was a girl that was right behind us that yelled. The whole time. I mean didn't miss a minute to cheer on the 'boys and ask the other team where they were going (i.e. "Where you goin'?! Nowhere!). Her husband was obviously embarassed, but she insisted that this was her birthday and she'd never get this opportunity again. We didn't mind so much after that.

It was the opportunity of a lifetime and I don't ever think I'd be able to fully describe the feeling.

What Graham is Thankful For

2007-11-30T10:12:00.000-06:00

Graham had an assignment in class to write all that he was thankful for. This is what he wrote:

I am thankful for my family because they take care of me. I'm thankful for my computers because I have something to do when I get bored. I'm thankful for God because he made me and a place for me to live in and he gave me my mom and dad and my sister and everything else. I am thankful for church because I get to worship God and I have friends there. I'm thankful for my teacher because she teaches me (way to suck up there, Graham). I am thankful for my education because it teaches me to be smart. I'm thankful for Jesus because he died on the cross for me. I'm thankful for cars because they get us places faster (this is where he was done, but still had more paper left). I'm thankful for me because I am not an animal (see what I mean?). I am thankful for shelter because if I did not have shelter I would die. I am thankful for healthy food because it helps me live (if only you would eat it). I am thankful for water because it also helps me live. This is what I am thankful for.

I'm thankful for a kid that loves Jesus.

The Best Darn Rock

2007-10-29T09:04:00.000-05:00

Since Randy and I have been working in the Young Professionals at our church we find ourselves trying to counsel people on things we don't really know anything about. For instance, being single and 30-something, buying a house on your own, still trying to get out of your parent's house, dating, etc.

One of those things that I just couldn't seem to grasp was the "I-really-thought-this-guy-was-the-one" thing. I mean you either know or you don't. I knew. I knew right away. Even when I didn't know, I knew because I remember praying for somebody like Randy.

About 5 years ago the company Randy had been working at, Macromedia, closed their Texas offices and tried to move everyone to San Francisco. After a good laugh at the thought of moving there, Randy started looking around for another job in the metroplex. Through a friend he found a contracting job with a game company called Ensemble Studios. After two years they had to shut down the department he was working in, so once again Randy was forced to find something else.

To get a job at a game company is like trying to get a job in acting. I mean, an acting job that actually supports you, like movies or TV. Many people want to do it, but only a very few get the chance. So for Randy to even get to spend two years in the gaming industry, at a company with a major title nonetheless, was incredible. But alas, it was not meant to be. His next job would be the one that would really mold him.

Insurance. I know. To go from rock star status at Macromedia to almost seeing the promise land at Ensemble Studios...to insurance software. And thus began the "Dark Ages" at the Varnell house. He did everything but throw himself in the floor and throw a temper tantrum like a 3-yr-old. It was a very trying time for all of us. We couldn't understand why God would make us go backwards.

I don't know when it happened, but somewhere along the way there was a change. Randy decided that he was going to be the best insurance software tester there ever was. He decided that he was going to be "content in all circumstances" (Proverbs 4:11) . He decided he was going to stick around and figure out what God was trying to teach him.

Not long after his resolution, he was promoted to manager of his team. Things really took a turn, not just at his job, but in his heart and soul and in our family. He became a better Sunday School teacher and better husband and a better dad. He would interview with other companies to try and find a better situation, but nothing would pan out. We'd be a little disappointed at first, but then we'd realize that God's got something better.

Today Randy started his new position at a very successful game company in downtown Dallas. He went from being over 5 employees to 40 in Dallas, LA and Russia.

This past weekend Randy spoke at a singles retreat and one of the sessions was on solitude- about being in the desert. Sometimes God puts us in the desert until all doubt is gone or until we've learned what we've needed to learn in order to move on (Numbers 14).

Looking back over the past three years it's so obvious why everytime Randy had a job interview it wasn't the one. We didn't understand it at the time, but now it makes so much sense. God wasn't finished with us. Randy hadn't learned everything he needed to learn. I never gave up on Randy having his dream job. It was pretty plain to me that God was testing Randy and preparing him for something amazing, but sometimes it's so hard to see the big picture. It's like when you're 8 months pregnant and you think you're going to be pregnant...forever!

I can't remember where it came from, but because I've done so much theatre my mom and I talk about having small roles in the play. We call them "rock" parts- like a children's play where a kid has to dress up like a rock and sit there because the teacher can't think of anything else to do with him. She'd tell me "go be the best darn rock you can be" and then eventually you'll get your starring role.

From one dream job employee to another- get ready for your close-up and standing "O" babe. Love you.

The Lesson

2007-10-25T12:32:00.000-05:00

Rachel had a history fair project that she told us was due on Friday the 26th. Then she told us that it would be due on the 24th. Monday she comes home and says "Actually it's due tomorrow (the 23rd)." She'd already spent some time researching her topic, The Battle at Marathon, so the grunt work had been done. She decided that she wanted to do a power point and that her friend Shelby was going to help. Monday had come and all we had were some notes. She had signed up for the fair over a month ago.

Randy and I scolded her for waiting till the last minute, something that she keeps having a problem with. I thought she should drop out because the last thing I wanted was for her to submit something that looked thrown together. Randy said that she should go ahead with the project and that it would be a good, but hard lesson for her to learn. She'd get there and the other projects would be well thought out and polished and she'd have to deal with a bit of embarassment that her's was a last minute project.

I agreed with Randy. There's a scripture in Proverbs that says, "Sometimes it takes a painful experience to make us change our ways."

Rachel won first place. *sigh*

Fun with Groceries

2007-10-15T15:54:00.000-05:00

Rachel had to stay after school today so Graham and I went to the grocery store after I picked him up from school. He wanted to go look at all the fun Halloween stuff but I decided he needed to stay with me and help.

My dream is to be the only one in the grocery store shopping for the rest of my life. If I had a wish from a genie, that would be it. There's always those couple of women who have hours to shop and need to look at everything and read the labels. Okay, that's me sometimes, but at least I try to stay out of people's way and not park my cart in the middle of the aisle so that others can't get through (deep cleansing breath). Anyway, I realized what time it was and that I had about 7 minutes before I had to pick up Rachel from school. So we rushed to check out and I decided that instead of standing in line it would faster to go through the self checkout line.

Normally, the self checkout is fast and I'm pretty good at it...but only, it seems, when I have all the time in the world and about three items to check out. This was not one of those times. It wanted to know if the item was bagged and if not was I going to bag it. In my haste and frustration I told Graham to get the full bags and put them back in the cart. I also told him he could scan the gum I allowed him to get. He began to do both.

I was so frustrated trying to scan my groceries and in such a hurry that I was not paying attention to anything but getting everything scanned and bagged. I heard Graham say "uh oh" and assumed that he was referring to my problems with it taking an eternity to scan the groceries.

Now let me pause here to impart a life lesson. When your child says "uh oh" always, always find out what the "uh oh" is for. Even if you think you know, ask. If they're standing in front of you and drop their gum out of their mouth and it lands on the floor and they say "uh oh", go ahead and ask them "what's uh oh?".

Graham then asked me if I was frustrated. They've learned that when mom and dad are frustrated it's better to wait for questions and comments until mom and dad have gotten their self-control. I replied as nice as I could, "Yes, Graham. I'm a little frustrated. These groceries don't seem to want to scan." He was wringing his hands and it looked like he was really in a dilemma.

He said, "You know when you told me to put the bags in the cart?"

"Yes."

"Well, I put them in that other ladies cart that was right here (at the end of our line) and she left with that cart."

I had just paid for everything. He had no idea what she looked like. Finally, the nice young man who worked at the store heard our situation and helped us look for the lady. She was gone. We looked at the receipt and I was able to go get all the groceries that was missing. Thank you, Wal-Mart.

Fortunately Rachel's teacher has a great sense of humor and we had a good laugh.

The Sleepover

2007-10-10T12:59:00.000-05:00

Rachel had her very first sleepover this past weekend.

Friday
3:15pm Rachel has student council meeting after to school, so Graham walks home with friend #1. Upon entry into the house, Graham asks if he can get himself and friend #1 a snack. I agree.

3:17 Graham and friend #1 are sitting on the couch watching Disney. Sitting at my desk viewing the back of the couch I notice how close their heads are. Upon further inspection I see that they are sitting next to each other...very close.

3:25 I ask Graham if he has a crush on friend #1. He assures me that she is a friend and not a "sweetheart".

3:30 Pick up Rachel from school

5:00 Pick up friend #2 and head to nail salon.

5:30 Arrive at nail salon 15 minutes late to be greeted by a frustrated and weary Asian receptionist that is mumbling in Vietnemese. I share the same weary smile already feeling the effects of being in a car with 3 ten-year-old girls and an 8 year-old boy.

5:32 Pam calls telling me she's been called back to work and cannot pick up Graham from the nail salon as we had planned. Graham is fine with this as he intently watches friend#1 get her manicure. The ladies in the salon think he's adorable and asks if he wants his nails done too. Graham is conflicted as he watches the girls get little designs painted on their nails, but testosterone wins out and he refuses.

6:00 Still at nail salon. Randy calls to say he just left downtown Dallas and will stop at home to get changed and then meet us all the way out in Frisco. Through a gritted smile I tell him to please hurry.

6:30 Arrive at Steak-and-Shake. Our server, Melanie, greets us to take our order. She looks non-plussed and I sympathize with her. She asks what we'd like to drink. Rachel- chocolate milkshake, Graham- chocolate milkshake, friend#2 coffee mocha milkshake (I ask if this would be okay with her mother and she assures me that it would be...I make a judgement call in favor of the milkshake), friend #2- banana, no chocolate, no banana, no chocolate, no...Melanie sighs deeply and looks at her watch...banana it is.

6:36 Randy calls to say he's left the house and will be there as fast as he can. We order our food.

6:40 Rachel opens presents and proceeds to open all the packages of markers and paints that friend #2 gave her. After a "look" from Melanie I explain that it's not a good idea to open it all up right there.

6:55 Randy arrives just in time for us to pay the bill and head to the movie theatre. We are late for the movie.

7:15 A paycheck later I hand everyone their movie ticket and we head inside. Pam has met us there.

7:18 Randy inadvertantly embarasses Graham in front of friend #1. Graham cries and hides. I explain to Randy the situation between friend #1 and Graham. This only heightens the situation as Graham holds to his position that friend #1 is just a friend and not a "sweetheart".

7:35 Friend #3 finally arrives fresh from soccer practice. By the time she and I get to our theatre she has asked me 42 questions about the evening so far. I assure her that she's not missed much, remembering that the other girls will fill her in on every last detail.

10:00 We arrive at our house. Graham is safely with Pam at her apartment.

10:45 After playing "spies" the girls declare they are hungry. I'm not sure what I was thinking, but there was not much food in the kitchen that 10-year-old girls would enjoy. I find a box of macaroni and cheese and begin to boil the water. Meanwhile the girls are passing out Rachel's old ballet costumes and writing the story to a ballet to be performed.

11:00 I attend the impromptu ballet (which turned out to not be half bad...this is Plano...they've all had at least one year of ballet).

Saturday
12:30am Randy, the nightowl, declares he's tired and is going to bed. I put a movie in, turn out all the lights and go over the boundries of the house.

7:15am Friend #3 has to leave for a soccer game.

9:45 Friend #2 is taken to play rehearsal. Hannah Montana is requested and all sing to the top of their lungs.

2:00pm Friend #1 is finally taken home...much to the chagrin of Graham who finally admits there might just be...something there.

Yard: 1, Randy: 0

2007-09-18T21:56:00.000-05:00

I am genetically deficient.

Yes, it's true.

Somewhere, down in the lines of code that make up who I am, carefully stirred amongst generations and generations of my ancestry, someone dropped a part. Cracked an egg. Fed the last piece of the puzzle to the family dog.

Whatever.

I speak of yardwork.

My mamaw--my father's mother--she could grow anything. I swear, the woman could put rocks in pots and water them, and before long, she'd be taking pieces of plants to neighbors because her living room looked like a botanical experiment gone awry. My mom's family are farmers, for goodness sake. And while chickens don't usually count as vegetable matter, the very fact that they cut a living out of valley in northwest Arkansas should stand as clear evidence that they and the land lived in peace and harmony.

Me?

I'm at war with my live oak trees.

Flashback seven years ago. I'm house hunting with Carrie, my beautiful (and also organically inept) wife. What do we look for? No, not the luxurious master bathroom so evident in track housing in North Texas. Not a stable, termite-less foundation. Not even an attic you could move around in to change a filter in the AC.

We wanted trees.

Not mini Home-Depot-purchased play-trees that contractors plant with every new home to assuage some environmental regulation. No. Big-honkin' defy-Texas-heat trees. And we got 'em. Three. Ginormous. Huge-antic. Umbrella. Trees.

Now, let me explain to you what they mean when they label these particular trees "live oaks". By "live", they mean living. By living, they mean intelligent. Oh, yes. The trees watch us. Not in some friendly "we love you" way. No, no. They watch us. When we least suspect it.

Let me illustrate.

Once a quarter, I feel guilty enough that I'm the only unretired green-thumb-certified ex-pro-gardener on my block, and so I drag out a truckload of well-battered lawn tools to begin my battle:

5 horsepower Murray mulching Mower (sometimes even starts).
Weed eater (change cord every five minutes).
Edger (shrieks like a cat in the washer).
Hedge trimmers (actually, I think these work)
Clippers (missing a spring and are too dull to cut wet spaghetti)
Gloves (check for spiders)
Rake (screw loose; head randomly spins or detaches for fun)
Extendable tree-pole saw (with trick "bendy" saw head)
Leaf blower - vac (permanently "on"; plug in and chase)

Occasionally, I also add a ladder to the carnival, which I'm certain voids part of my medical insurance, if I were to check the fine print.

And thus begins the dance.

I mow. I blow. I cut. I suck. I scoop. I bend. I trim. Usually for four or five hours, as time distorts itself, speeding up to be sure I never have time to do everything in one day. I ignore the heat. I fight off rabid fire ants. I pay great attention to detail!

Somewhere, as the sun is setting over the California coast, and I am returning my arsenal to a tangled jumble of extension cords in my garage, my yard looks as good as it will look. Which is to say, if you took a picture of our Cul-de-Sac, our yard is the one which makes me understand just a bit of how homeowners associations came to be. Despite my best efforts, I still go to bed fearing that tomorrow, the President will fly over and declare our home a national disaster area. At least then, maybe I'd get some federal funding.

And there, in the quiet still of the night, when my body is reminding me that it's tired of maintaining an active metabolism...that's when they strike.

The trees.

I remind you, they are named "live oak trees". They are cunning. Cleverest of all trees, the live oak abides by no rules of seasonal leaf-shedding. No! It cannot be! They are the non-conformists of the aboreal world. Green-year round, they shed their small thick leaves only when they wish.

And their shedding dreams are no more fulfilled than when my lawn is clean and free of leaves. The earthy scent of freshly-raked soil; the aroma of trimmed grass; the acrid lingering reminder of an electric leaf blower with a short--this combination, this chemical conconction of my efforts triggers something primal and vicious in my live oak trees.

And that is when they strike.

With the new day, I arise to see the fruits of my efforts, which were unobservable in the darkness under which my labors ceased. I open my front door, peering through my frame-of-a storm-door (by product of a rock and a malicious weed-eater)...

...onto a yard of leaves. No, that is unfair. It's not always leaves. I misspeak of the tree. No, no. In the fall, it adds a generous mix of non-rakeable acorns. In the spring, it's the little snaky strings of tree-poop, which layer our yard like new-fallen yellow snow (God bless Claritin). In the winter, it adds sticks and twigs to the mix for extra fiber.

They win. I give up. The battle goes to the trees. No, I will continue my efforts. A neighbor once shamed me by taping a sign to my door: "Take pride in were you live". Yes, just like that, spelling and all. And I have learned! I may not be talented, but let that not stop me! Next quarter, I will again arm myself! I will fight the dirt and the flora.

I will lose.

But that's alright.

I've made a deal with the sprinkler.

Next summer...the trees are done for.

How our words abuse us!

2007-09-11T15:52:00.000-05:00

Anyone who's been on a date knows how easily your words and intentions can be misconstrued to embarrassing results. Take that setting, and remove all of those wonderful cues of interaction that our brains process without conscious effort--subtleties in spoken tone, facial expressions, body language, etc.

Guess what you have?

Email, forums and chat!

I've seen time after time that unwanted conflict creeps into electronic communication when one of two things happens:

Someone tries to type a mail with clever and subtle sarcasm that isn't conveyed with the words they use,
or,
someone reads into the message tone and meaning that it was never intended to have.

Those misunderstandings escalate rapidly and spiral far out of control, and cause relationships to collapse.

There is one good way to try and avoid this, though:

Be over-sensitive to your own writing.

Be flat-out paranoid about ways you communicate. If there's ever a question, be clear instead of funny. It'll save you heartache.

At the same time:
Be cautious about how you allow other people's writing to affect you.

A lot of times, reading something a second or third time, and thinking of it from several angles of intent, will give you a completely different interpretation of what someone meant. If you are still unsure, ask them PRIVATELY before escalating and arming in public.

Bottom line: realize that written communication is rarely clear. Very, very few people write with skill enough to communicate correct intention. It always pays to clarify before engaging any interesting emotions.

Inititive

2007-09-11T15:49:00.000-05:00

Our word for the week, thanks to our new Sunday School curriculum at church, is "inititive". The kids and I have been talking about ways we show inititive- seeing something that needs to be done and doing it. This morning our devotion said that showing initive was obeying God.

Now, I've learned over the past several years how to motivate the kids into doing something. Rachel is hard. She needs to impress someone and be reminded many times of how great she is. Graham, on the other hand, will do anything for a buck. So this morning I told them if they can come home from school and tell me how they showed inititive today then I'd give them a quarter and they can buy a pencil tomorrow.

We prayed and then Graham followed me back into my room so I could fix his hair. He said with all sincerity and conviction and not an ounce of drama in his voice, "Mom, you don't have to give me a quarter, because we don't need to be rewarded for something we're supposed to do anyway."

Dear God, thank you for a son that "gets it" more than me sometimes and forgive me for ever expecting payment or reward for obeying your Word.

Funny Rachel

2007-09-04T08:27:00.000-05:00

So we made it through the first week of school. On the first day Rachel came home with half an eyebrow. Apparantly there's a game involving stickers and ripping them off your face.

Back to Life

2007-08-27T07:45:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here at my desk at 7:46am on Monday morning, the earliest I've been up in many weeks. I actually got up at 6:15. The house is quiet with the exception of Matt Lauer quietly in the background and the hum of the air conditioner. Peace.

I just got back from dropping the kids off at school. First day. New backpacks, new outfits, new pencils, new outlooks. Fresh haircuts, milk money and a whole list of things mom forgot to get for this very important day. First time parents dropping off their kindergartners wiping away tears with video cameras glued to their eye sockets. I laugh quietly as the fathers in their business suits drag away the moms as she's waving "bye bye" to her little precious one. The little precious one is literally rolling his eyes and waving "bye bye" over his shoulder as he spots a soccer buddy. Good luck finding a parking space, because this is the one day that most parents walk into the classroom with their child.

Anticipation. Excitement. All kinds of activities to do. But then that's just me. I think I may have hurt some feelings this morning with how over-the-top chipper I was. I have been waiting for this day for the past month. A whole month filled with "I'm bored" "she hit me" "it's too hot" "I'm hungry" "I'm bored". I piled my kids in the car and dropped them off at the front door of the school wishing them well and trying to embarass them as much as possible yelling out "I love you!" and "Make good choices!" They run.

There are two different parents- the good ones that make this day a special one for their child and walk them into their classes and make sure they find their lockers and desks okay. And then there's us- the vets- the ones doing the happy dance in our cars as we barely hit the brakes to let the kids out. The ones with days already planned of projects we didn't get to all summer and lunches with friends we haven't seen for weeks. The ones snickering at those other parents... because it wasn't long ago that we were wiping away tears and sending them off to another day of firsts.

Happy first day of school Rachel and Graham.

At the Rodeo

2007-08-16T15:54:00.000-05:00

Mom and Dad took the kids to the Ft. Smith rodeo over the summer. Graham kept that bandana over his face almost the whole time. He loves being the bandit. That's Rachel's "tough" look. She just can't pull that off- she's too sweet.

Alright already

2007-08-14T13:20:00.000-05:00

Yesterday Randy and I celebrated 13 years of marriage on the 13th. Good thing we're not superstitious. Randy reminded me that in 13 years from now our kids will be in college if not already done.

We had a nice quiet evening, thanks to our friend Jill who stepped in at the last minute to watch our kiddos. We went to our favorite resturant and, as always, reflected about where we've been and where we're headed. We had the fun discussion of what could we do better and the things that we do really well. We promised to go on a trip soon, just me and him, because we haven't done that in a while. I'm looking at my calendar and October of '09 is looking promising. Just in time for our 15th!

Randy is currently working for EMSI where he is manager for the QA team. He also teaches the Young Professionals at our church, The Heights Baptist in Richardson.

My first job is being mom to Rachel and Graham. In my spare time I write for The Skitguys and travel with another drama group called Skitzo. This summer I did 8 camps in 6 weeks. It was a lot of fun, but hard to be gone from home so much. I'd like to say I'm glad to be back to a normal schedule, but I'm not sure we ever have a normal schedule.

Rachel is 9 and will be in the 4th grade. She really likes piano and singing in her choir at church. She now wears the same shoe size as Aunt Pam and a friend of ours assures us that she will grow into them.

Graham is 8 and the resident soccer star. He'll be in the 3rd grade and we are praying for his teacher to have a really good sense of humor. He also has a computer keyboard permanently affixed to his hands.

I have never been very good at journaling. Everyone keeps saying that I should start a blog. Not because they're particularly interested in what I have to say, but because they have one and so should I. It's like being in jr. high all over again!